The Time to Pee Is At Hand – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The time for sleep is coming. Night has fallen. The time to pee is at hand.

Me:        Must we have yet another discussion of pee?

Stella:    There are very few subjects on Earth that merit attention. I believe that peeing is one of them.

Me:        Well, okay. It is important, I admit. I just don’t like to spend a lot of time discussing it.

Stella:    Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

Me:        Peeing? Seriously?

Stella:    Didn’t you tell me that there are human vets who spend all their time on peeing issues?

Me:        Urologists? Yes. And they are not human vets. They are doctors for humans.

Stella:    Insignificant distinction.

Me:        Not to them or to veterinarians.

Stella:    Peeing before bedtime is a time-honored bulldog tradition.

Me:        Fine. I just like to think of other things before bedtime.

Stella:    Things like what?

Me:        What I did during the day. What I plan to do tomorrow. Did I learn anything today? Did I please the LORD is something that I did or said? Did I pray for others or only for myself? Did I set a goal and meet it?

Stella:    And what if you need to pee? Where does that fall on your day end list? At the top, if I had to make a guess. Sort of interrupts all the other stuff.

Me:        Oh, all right, I get your point.

Stella:    Now that we are agreed, the time to pee is at hand. And then, good night.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

Doggy Toilet Building – Scary Smart Part 2 – Sweetie the Wonder Dog – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Now I have seen everything. Humans, bulldogs are smart. Stubborn but smart. Some people think that our stubbornness means that we do not understand what we are being asked to do. Not so. We may obey, but we do not comply.

Today I have seen something that rivals…well, you tell the story, Lady Human.

Me:        You saw it, too.

Stella:    Yes, but I was still in extended bulldog wake up mode, so I missed the first part.

Me:        Okay. This morning, everyone had been fed and I normally take Miss Sweetie outside first by herself after breakfast because she gets to playing and forgets to do…you know, her business.

Stella:    Let’s be clear. Her “business” is pooping and peeing. Why don’t humans just say what they mean?

Me:        When I was growing up, bathroom matters were called “business” and everyone knew what that meant.

Stella:    Pooping and peeing. See, I said it. Please go on.

Me:        I always try to get Miss Sweetie out within a minute or two of her finishing breakfast because she is not good at waiting to do her business.

Stella:    Who is? Please continue.

Me:        I was washing some dishes at the sink and I heard her start to move her metal food dish around, indicating that she had finished her food. She steps in it and sometimes sits in it, even though she doesn’t fit and, anyway, I told her I would be with her in a minute. A minute! And to please wait just a minute! And then, there was this sound of water hitting metal and I knew it wasn’t from the sink because I had turned the faucet off and I’m like, “Is there a weird leak somewhere?”

Stella:    And there was! Tell it! Tell it! Tell it!

Me:        I looked over at Miss Sweetie and there she was, sitting beside her food and water bowls, only the empty food bowl was sitting at a 45 degree angle on top of her water bowl and…I can hardly say it…

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Stella:    Go ahead! This is the best part.

Me:        And pee was pooled in the bottom of it. She had set up her food bowl as a toilet and she had peed in it because she did not want to wait another minute to go out. Yuck!

Stella:    And?

Me:        And she had perfect aim and she did not spill a drop.

Stella:    I feel like cheering. Let’s hear it for Miss Sweetie, Bulldog Bathroom Champion! How do the humans say it? Oh, yes, hip-hip-hoo…

Me:        Yuck!

Stella:    No, I don’t think that is how it goes. No human cheer ends with the word, “Yuck”.

Me:        Do you know how much hot water and soap I had to use on those bowls before I could even think of using them for her food and water again?

Stella:    No, but I am sure that Miss Sweetie did not give it a second thought. And I am sure that you won’t be asking her to wait just one more minute before her morning bathroom run again.

Me:        Not even half a minute.

Stella:    You realize that Miss Sweetie can’t tell time. A minute to her could be an hour, a week, a month, a year for all she knows. Miss Sweetie believes in basics. If you need to go the bathroom, go to the bathroom. That’s all. She was doing you a favor by setting up her bowl to catch it. She knew how busy you were.

I hope you got a picture of it. You can put it on that little box that you and all the other humans are always staring at.

Me:        I don’t post pictures of pee. For any reason. I did show Tall Man just so I had a witness and he wouldn’t think that I was making it up.

Stella:    I think Miss Sweetie should consider a change in career from bulldog to whoever those humans are who take care of putting together human toilets.

Me:        Plumbers?

Stella:    No, that’s not it.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Stay Out of My Sunbath Spot! – Conversations with Stella

I am with Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge, Queen and Squirrel Fighter.

Stella:    FLYING Squirrel Fighter!

Me:        That remains to be seen. And by the way, the squirrel is still in the front pecan tree, engorging himself and throwing pecan shells on me when I pass by.

Stella:    Jerky McSquirrelyFace and I will meet on the Field of Battle one day. Then we shall see who emerges victorious.

Me:        The squirrel, probably.

Stella:    AAGGGHH! You would bet against me? Lady Human, for shame!

Me:        Well, the squirrel is fast. He climbs trees. He can run over rooftops. He jumps crazy far. He hides so well that you can look right at him and not see him.

Stella:    I can do all that.

Me:        Stella the Bulldog. Remember.

Stella:    So I may have to practice a bit. You’ll see. But I have a more urgent problem. Wiggles peed on my sunbath spot.

Me:        I believe that everyone, except for me and Tall Man, of course, has peed on your sunbath spot at one time or another. Everyone including you.

Stella:    If I pee on my own spot, that is my business. Still, you are the management and I am making a formal complaint.

Me:        I have noticed a lot of selfishness among the bulldogs about the sunbathing area lately.

Stella:    Exactly, which is why we need a reservation system. And the reservation system says that the spot in the middle is mine all the time. No trespassing. No public bathroom. Oh, and I reserve the time slot when the sun shines at the best angle, not too hot, not too cool, just right.

Me:        What about the others? It sounds like you are trying to hog the sun.

Stella:    Pigs have nothing to do with it. Don’t let pigs come on my sunbathing spot! There is no telling what they might leave behind.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.