Joining In Bulldog Games – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am the scorekeeper for the bulldog

games. What are they? I have no idea. When are they? Whenever. At Christmas time, the humans sing a song about reindeer games. If I don’t know what bulldog games are and I am a bulldog, I sure don’t know what reindeer games are. It is all too confusing and tiring. I am going to take a nap. At least I know what that is.

Me:        I just started a treat catch game with Doodlebug and Tiger. Do you want to try it? All I do is hold a treat up above each of their heads and I drop it. They try to catch it in their mouths. Tiger is really good at it. She’s running about 90% accuracy.

Stella:    And Doodlebug? He has the biggest face and biggest mouth of us all. How is he doing?

Me:        Well, he moves his head a lot and the treat bounces off his nose most of the time. So…

Stella:    He’s a loser.

Me:        No, I wouldn’t say that.

Stella:    I would. He can’t catch a treat in his big ole mouth because he won’t stop moving.

Me:        Treat catch is just not his particular game. Every once in a while, he gets one. So…

Stella:    He’s a part-time loser.

Me:        And a part-time winner.

Stella:    Pffffttt!

Me:        Stella! How rude!

Stella:    Let me try that treat catch game.

Me:        All right. Here goes!

Stella:    Awww! It bounced off my nose. Here, let me eat it.

Me:        Want to try again? 1…2…3…

Stella:    Aaagggh! It bounced off my nose. Where did it go?

Me:        Never mind. I’ll find it later.

Stella:    Never mind ‘never mind’. I’ll find it later!

Me:        One more try, okay?

Stella:    I CAUGHT IT! Right in my mouth! Yay, me!!! Aacckk! Aacckk! Aaaaghh!

Me:        Chew it slowly.

Stella:    What kind of a stupid game is this? The Choke a Bulldog by Throwing Food Game?

Me:        No, that’s why the pieces are small. You just have to chew what you catch.

Stella:    Oh, I’m sorry. I thought the treats were small because you were being stingy.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Take Your Feet Out of Your Mouth! – Conversations with Stella

20151220_230434.jpgI am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I have four feet. As does Lady Human.

Me:        Correction. I have two hands and two feet.

Stella:    Same difference.

Me:        Not really. I don’t walk on my hands and toes are not fingers.

Stella:    You are doing the same things with those hands of yours that I do with my feet.

Me:        Specifically?

Stella:    Putting them in your mouth. Take your feet…

Me:        Hands.

Stella:    …out of your mouth.

Me:         To humans, putting your foot in your mouth has a totally different meaning. It means that you have stumbled over your own words.

Stella:     Typical. Humans making words mean what they don’t mean. I saw you! You put those long things…

Me:        Fingers.

Stella:    …in your mouth and you chewed on them.

Me:        Cuticles. I admit it. I chew on my cuticles.

Stella:    Are cuticles the same as feet?

Me:        No, they are the skin around the nails. They get dry. And they stick out. And they get snagged on stuff. And there my teeth are, close by. It’s so easy to just bite them off.

Stella:    Now you are talking bulldog. But still, take your feet out of your mouth. It doesn’t look as good on humans as it does on us.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.