Take Your Feet Out of Your Mouth! – Conversations with Stella

20151220_230434.jpgI am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I have four feet. As does Lady Human.

Me:        Correction. I have two hands and two feet.

Stella:    Same difference.

Me:        Not really. I don’t walk on my hands and toes are not fingers.

Stella:    You are doing the same things with those hands of yours that I do with my feet.

Me:        Specifically?

Stella:    Putting them in your mouth. Take your feet…

Me:        Hands.

Stella:    …out of your mouth.

Me:         To humans, putting your foot in your mouth has a totally different meaning. It means that you have stumbled over your own words.

Stella:     Typical. Humans making words mean what they don’t mean. I saw you! You put those long things…

Me:        Fingers.

Stella:    …in your mouth and you chewed on them.

Me:        Cuticles. I admit it. I chew on my cuticles.

Stella:    Are cuticles the same as feet?

Me:        No, they are the skin around the nails. They get dry. And they stick out. And they get snagged on stuff. And there my teeth are, close by. It’s so easy to just bite them off.

Stella:    Now you are talking bulldog. But still, take your feet out of your mouth. It doesn’t look as good on humans as it does on us.



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I Am Not a Bulldog! – Conversations with Stella

Hello. I am the human in charge of this blog and I have not expressed my strong opinion on this forum for quite some time now.

Stella:    Wrong! You interrupt my royal opinions all the time. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hello, Humans. How do you do? What does that mean anyway? How do you do…what?

Me:        It’s an old human expression.

Stella:    Ah, so it is used by old humans. Now I understand why you use it, Lady Human.

Me:        Excuse me?

Stella:    You are excused, but only this once.

Me:        I did not use it. YOU used it.

Stella:    Precisely. And I would not have used it if you had not used it before me. Voila´, I win again.

Me:        I think you are not using that word correctly.

Stella:    What word? Win? Again?

Me:        Never mind.

Stella:    Gladly. Now what do you want to complain about, Lady Human? Not that I am interested. I am just trying to be polite.

Me:        Yesterday, Miss Sweetie grabbed my ankles with her mouth and nipped me.

Stella:    I saw that! That was hilarious! She should do that all the time.

Me:        No, she shouldn’t. No biting the humans, remember. Even in play. It is a bad habit and could go terribly wrong.

Stella:    No, you are the one who is wrong. It was hilarious! Best laugh all day.

Me:        We need to go back over the rules.

Stella:    She was excited to see you. You had been gone for SO LONG!

Me:        I went to lunch with a friend. I was gone 3 hours.

Stella:    You need to schedule these ridiculous lunch things with us first. Why did it take you 3 hours to eat? It never takes us more than a few minutes. Humans are slow.

Me:         I had to drive there and back. That took half an hour. And humans talk during meals.


Stella:    Waste of time! Humans talk too much.

Me:        Bottom line, Miss Sweetie must not bite me when she is playing.

Stella:    She was welcoming you home and into our bulldog pack. That is the way she plays with us. What an honor!

Me:        I am not a bulldog.

Stella:    Well, not anymore, you aren’t. Not after all this complaining. Now you will have to reapply.

Me:        I never applied to be a bulldog.

Stella:    You must have. We don’t accept just anybody.



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.