Hello. I am the human in charge of this blog and I have not expressed my strong opinion on this forum for quite some time now.
Stella: Wrong! You interrupt my royal opinions all the time. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hello, Humans. How do you do? What does that mean anyway? How do you do…what?
Me: It’s an old human expression.
Stella: Ah, so it is used by old humans. Now I understand why you use it, Lady Human.
Me: Excuse me?
Stella: You are excused, but only this once.
Me: I did not use it. YOU used it.
Stella: Precisely. And I would not have used it if you had not used it before me. Voila´, I win again.
Me: I think you are not using that word correctly.
Stella: What word? Win? Again?
Me: Never mind.
Stella: Gladly. Now what do you want to complain about, Lady Human? Not that I am interested. I am just trying to be polite.
Me: Yesterday, Miss Sweetie grabbed my ankles with her mouth and nipped me.
Stella: I saw that! That was hilarious! She should do that all the time.
Me: No, she shouldn’t. No biting the humans, remember. Even in play. It is a bad habit and could go terribly wrong.
Stella: No, you are the one who is wrong. It was hilarious! Best laugh all day.
Me: We need to go back over the rules.
Stella: She was excited to see you. You had been gone for SO LONG!
Me: I went to lunch with a friend. I was gone 3 hours.
Stella: You need to schedule these ridiculous lunch things with us first. Why did it take you 3 hours to eat? It never takes us more than a few minutes. Humans are slow.
Me: I had to drive there and back. That took half an hour. And humans talk during meals.
Stella: Waste of time! Humans talk too much.
Me: Bottom line, Miss Sweetie must not bite me when she is playing.
Stella: She was welcoming you home and into our bulldog pack. That is the way she plays with us. What an honor!
Me: I am not a bulldog.
Stella: Well, not anymore, you aren’t. Not after all this complaining. Now you will have to reapply.
Me: I never applied to be a bulldog.
Stella: You must have. We don’t accept just anybody.
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