I Am Not a Bulldog! – Conversations with Stella

Hello. I am the human in charge of this blog and I have not expressed my strong opinion on this forum for quite some time now.

Stella:    Wrong! You interrupt my royal opinions all the time. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hello, Humans. How do you do? What does that mean anyway? How do you do…what?

Me:        It’s an old human expression.

Stella:    Ah, so it is used by old humans. Now I understand why you use it, Lady Human.

Me:        Excuse me?

Stella:    You are excused, but only this once.

Me:        I did not use it. YOU used it.

Stella:    Precisely. And I would not have used it if you had not used it before me. Voila´, I win again.

Me:        I think you are not using that word correctly.

Stella:    What word? Win? Again?

Me:        Never mind.

Stella:    Gladly. Now what do you want to complain about, Lady Human? Not that I am interested. I am just trying to be polite.

Me:        Yesterday, Miss Sweetie grabbed my ankles with her mouth and nipped me.

Stella:    I saw that! That was hilarious! She should do that all the time.

Me:        No, she shouldn’t. No biting the humans, remember. Even in play. It is a bad habit and could go terribly wrong.

Stella:    No, you are the one who is wrong. It was hilarious! Best laugh all day.

Me:        We need to go back over the rules.

Stella:    She was excited to see you. You had been gone for SO LONG!

Me:        I went to lunch with a friend. I was gone 3 hours.

Stella:    You need to schedule these ridiculous lunch things with us first. Why did it take you 3 hours to eat? It never takes us more than a few minutes. Humans are slow.

Me:         I had to drive there and back. That took half an hour. And humans talk during meals.


Stella:    Waste of time! Humans talk too much.

Me:        Bottom line, Miss Sweetie must not bite me when she is playing.

Stella:    She was welcoming you home and into our bulldog pack. That is the way she plays with us. What an honor!

Me:        I am not a bulldog.

Stella:    Well, not anymore, you aren’t. Not after all this complaining. Now you will have to reapply.

Me:        I never applied to be a bulldog.

Stella:    You must have. We don’t accept just anybody.



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.




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