Bulldog News Network – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and this is BNN – Bulldog News Network, blah, blah, blah, all talk all the time, just like the boring humans…

Me:        Stella, what brought this on?

Stella:    Today there was a sale on cheese at the human food place and Lady Human bought it all and brought it home just for herself. She owns all the cheese in the world.

Me:        How would that even be possible?

Stella:    Snoopey is here with us now for an interview to tell what she witnessed.

Snoopey: What is an interview?

Stella:    What did you see when Lady Human opened the door to the Big Cold Box?

Snoopey:  Lots and lots of wonderful food.

Stella:    That proves it.

Me:        It doesn’t prove that I own all the cheese in the world or even all the cheese from a store.

Stella:    Now we welcome Tiger who has more to add to this story.

Me:        What story? I bought a little bit of cheese.

Stella:    Tiger, what do you have to say to Lady Human’s denial of cheese hoarding?

Tiger:     Hello.

Stella:    Can you be more specific?

Tiger:     Hello, people.

Stella:    Wiggles, Doodlebug, Sweetie, what can you add?

(background snoring and odd snorting noises)

Me:        Are they your audience because…

Stella:    Am I the only one concerned about the level of cheese hoarding here?

Me:        Apparently.

Snoopey:  I guess so.

Tiger:     Yes.

Stella:    Well, I can’t keep commenting on nothing.

Me:        Nope.

Snoopey:  That’s right.

Tiger:     So shut up.

Stella:    Tomorrow on BNN – Bulldog News Network, I will interview Lady Human about how she has slowly but drastically reduced the size of treats during the past month.

Me:        Uh, I may arrange to be unavailable for that.

Snoopey:  Smaller treats? What? Really?

Tiger:     As long as I get mine and Snoopey’s, too, I don’t care.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Conversations with Stella – I Saw What You Did

Me:        I have invited Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge, to have a conversation today regarding…

Stella:    I know…I know. Something I did wrong. It has to be.  No one ever wants to talk to a bulldog about what went right. Poor old bulldog. Poor old Stella.

Me:        Stella, self-pity is unbecoming and undignified, especially in a bulldog.

Stella:    Well, someone has to do it. Who will pity me if I don’t pity myself?

Me:        Pity poor old Snoopey instead.

Stella:    Nope. She already gets too much attention.

Me:        She is the Alpha of the dogs. When she sounds an alarm, it’s never nonsense. There is always a reason and so we pay attention.

Stella:    Is her alarm bark why she gets so many softy toys?

Me:        No one has more softy dog toys than you do, which brings me to the subject at hand.  I saw what you did.

Stella:    You saw? Are you God?

Me:        No, of course not! Why? What else did you do?

Stella:    Well, what do you think I did?

Me:        I saw you sneak into Snoopey’s crate when she wasn’t around and I saw you take her favorite chicken toy. You hid it in your crate.

Stella:    Oh. That.

Me:        Yes, that. We have talked about this hoarding business.

Stella:    It is not a business. Yet. But it could be. Would you pay me extra treats to get that chicken toy back for Snoopey?

Me:        Now you are holding the chicken toy for ransom?

Stella:    I’m not asking much. Just a treat or two for finding it.

Me:        It was never lost. I know where it is.

Stella:    I…don’t…think…so.

Me:        Stella, what have you done?

Stella:    Nothing important. Why do you care? I didn’t take your chicken.

Me:        This is why you are not allowed around my stuffed animal collection.

Stella:    If you have too many, I can help you with them. They will all have a good home.

Me:        You are an official hoarder.

Stella:    With all due respect, as the humans say, it takes one to know one.

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.