I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human tells me that this is yet another human holiday. How many holidays can humans have? She says that this one celebrates a change in what they call a calendar. I am glad bulldogs do not have such silly things.
Me: It would just be one more thing to chew up.
Stella: And this is just one more day for humans to party.
Me: You don’t see me partying, do you?
Stella: You party by watching things on the Picture Box and eating nuts.
Me: Yes. That makes pretty much every day a party for me.
Stella: I don’t understand what this celebration is about. The humans on the Picture Box pop exploding bottles that shoot foam everywhere. They fire off guns and rockets that blow up the sky.
Me: And, hopefully, nothing else.
Stella: What’s the big deal? You said that you all change the calendar and, from what I gather, a calendar is a short book made of paper with numbers written on each page and each page has a different name but none of them are named after dogs, so I don’t really care. Is that about right?
Me: Yeah, pretty much.
Stella: So why celebrate paper?
Me: It’s the idea of a new start. The year changes and people like to think about changing things in their lives.
Stella: But they’ve already changed the calendar. Isn’t that enough? Humans are so needy.
Me: A lot of people like to start a diet after the holidays to lose weight.
Stella: Diet. You mean as in eating less?
Me: Yep. Maybe. That can be part of it.
Stella: Madness! Let’s get this so-called holiday over with as soon as possible. Eating less? Preposterous. Keep your new calendars. I’ll stick with last year’s. Bulldogs eating less. The very idea…
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