Yet Another Human Party Day – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human tells me that this is yet another human holiday. How many holidays can humans have? She says that this one celebrates a change in what they call a calendar. I am glad bulldogs do not have such silly things.

Me:        It would just be one more thing to chew up.

Stella:    And this is just one more day for humans to party.

Me:        You don’t see me partying, do you?

Stella:    You party by watching things on the Picture Box and eating nuts.

Me:        Yes. That makes pretty much every day a party for me.

Stella:    I don’t understand what this celebration is about. The humans on the Picture Box pop exploding bottles that shoot foam everywhere. They fire off guns and rockets that blow up the sky.

Me:        And, hopefully, nothing else.

Stella:    What’s the big deal? You said that you all change the calendar and, from what I gather, a calendar is a short book made of paper with numbers written on each page and each page has a different name but none of them are named after dogs, so I don’t really care. Is that about right?

Me:        Yeah, pretty much.

Stella:    So why celebrate paper?

Me:        It’s the idea of a new start. The year changes and people like to think about changing things in their lives.

Stella:    But they’ve already changed the calendar. Isn’t that enough? Humans are so needy.

Me:        A lot of people like to start a diet after the holidays to lose weight.

Stella:    Diet. You mean as in eating less?

Me:        Yep. Maybe. That can be part of it.

Stella:    Madness! Let’s get this so-called holiday over with as soon as possible. Eating less? Preposterous. Keep your new calendars. I’ll stick with last year’s. Bulldogs eating less. The very idea…



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Food Day – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Today is what our humans call Food Day.

Me:        No, today is what we call Thanksgiving Day.

Stella:    Same thing.

Me:        Not really. Remember this morning when I gave you all your breakfast? Do you remember what I said to each of you?

Stella:    Yes, you said, “Food. Food. Blah. Blah. Blah.”

Me:        No, I said, “Happy Thanksgiving!”

Stella:    Same thing.

Me:        I admit that special food plays a big part in this celebration.

Stella:    Is that why you ate chips and salsa for breakfast?

Me:        I… really, I just…well, the chips and salsa were sitting there.

Stella:    And they jumped into your mouth because they are special food for Food Day, especially in the morning.

Me:        Forget about the chips and salsa thing.

Stella:    It is hard to forget that picture in my mind.

Me:        Back to Thanksgiving Day. It is a special day for giving thanks to God and remembering our blessings.

Stella:    Just today? That is stingy.

Me:        No, not just today. We should give thanks every day. But today is a public celebration. Families. Friends. Special food. Well-wishing.

Stella:    Like those humans who throw money in a hole in the ground.

Me:        No, not at all. This well-wishing is hoping everyone has a happy day. So Happy Thanksgiving, Stella girl.

Stella:    And to you, too, Lady Human. Have a good Food Food Blah Blah Blah Day.




Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

No Double Dipping – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and I am ticked off. Is that the correct term, Lady Human? Ticked off?

Me:        If you mean that you are annoyed, angry, riled up, fuming…

Stella:    That’s me!

Me:        Is there a reason or…

Stella:    Of course, there is a reason. There is always a reason. I am a reasonable bulldog.

Me:        Do the words ‘reasonable’ and ‘bulldog’ go together?

Stella:    YES! Why am I ticked off, you ask.

Me:        I didn’t actually ask why? I just wondered if there were a reason or…


Me:        I beg your pardon!

Stella:    Not yet! Why was Snoopey fed twice today? Why? Why? Why?

Me:        Snoopey was not fed twice.

Stella:    Yes, she was. She double dipped. That is not fair. It is not allowed.

Me:        Snoopey was fed once. There was no double dipping, as you call it.

Stella:    You took the huge plastic spoon…

Me:        The scoop…

Stella:    I said that. The huge plastic spoon and the food bucket around and we each got our food and then you went out and came back with more food and put it in Snoopey’s bowl.

Me:        I ran out of food on the first go-round before Snoopey got fed. I had to get more out of the storage can. When I came back in, I put food in Snoopey’s bowl. Snoopey did not double dip. She got fed once.

Stella:    It looked suspicious and unfair to me.

Me:        You were napping during breakfast. I saw you peak a couple of times. You missed the part where I ran out of food.


Me:        Is this going to turn into another bulldog strike?

Stella:    Not if you double dip me.


Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.



Where Are Your Food Bowls? – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and I…

Me:        Where are your food bowls?

Stella:    Lady Human, interrupting me while I am addressing my subjects? How RUDE!

Me:        Where are your food bowls?

Stella:    We rearranged a few things.

Me:        Rearranged as in carried off? Have you hidden them?

Stella:    We like them. They make excellent drums.

Me:        I don’t want to have to go in search of them come breakfast time.

Stella:    Sweetie likes to wear hers and sit in it and step in it. Doodlebug is a better drummer though.

Me:        Yes. You are all very versatile. But I need them.

Stella:    No, you don’t. I have seen the sloppy way you humans eat. Round bowls and flat bowls and small bowls and square bowls. You never even have the decency to put your faces down into them. You bring the food up to your mouths with those long metal stabbers and pointy silver pokers.

Me:        I don’t need your bowls for me. I need your bowls for you all. Otherwise, breakfast tomorrow may be delayed.

Stella:    Delayed?

Me:        You don’t want me to pour it on the ground, do you?

Stella:    Food delayed? Everybody, pull in the bowls! Wiggles! Where is your food bowl?

Wiggles:   It was in my way. I moved it.

Stella:    Get it! Doodlebug!

Doodlebug:        Mine was empty so I didn’t need it anymore.

Stella:    No, silly! You need it every day. Tiger?

Tiger:     It’s around here somewhere. Why?

Stella:    Breakfast tomorrow, that’s why. Snoopey?

Snoopey:   I like to eat my food off the floor. It’s neater that way.

Stella:    Aaagggh! Whatever! Sweetie?

Miss Sweetie: Yes?

Stella:    All right, Sweetie, I can see where yours is.

Miss Sweetie:    Where?

Stella:    Really? You are sitting in it.

Miss Sweetie:    No, I’m not.

Stella:    I can see it under you.

Miss Sweetie:    That’s my chair.

Stella:    Bring all bowls forward! Now!

Snoopey:   Where is yours?

Stella:    Never you mind.

Snoopey:   I think it’s under your toys. I think I can get it.

Stella:    Don’t even try. Now who’s stupid for befriending the big purple dinosaur in my crate?



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Right Reserved.


Do What the Ancient Romans Do – Conversations with Stella

Hello! I am Stella. I am an Olde English Bulldogge. I am a Queen. I am Illustrious. I am Noble. And my Lady Human is looking at me weird which means she has a question on her head.

Me:        In my head, not on it.

Stella:    Uh-oh. How will you get it out?

Me:        I will ask it.

Stella:    So questions come from the mouth part of your head.

Me:        Questions form in my mind and then my brain communicates them through my mouth.

Stella:    I don’t have that problem. All the parts of my head work together at the same time. It’s one big head. What question does your mouth want to ask?

Me:        I’ve been noticing that you hardly ever stand up when you eat. You lie down next to your bowl and grab a mouthful every now and then.

Stella:    It’s the best way. I’ve seen you do it yourself except you balance your bowl on your stomach. That’s hard for a bulldog. Round belly. No hands. Besides, it is easier to watch the Picture Box.

Me:        Your reclining reminded me of the Ancient Romans. They reclined on couches when they ate.

Stella:    Ancient Romans. Are they bulldogs?

Me:        No, they were humans who lived a long, long time ago.

Stella:    That’s not nearly so cool. Humans are boring.

Me:        It was probably only the rich and the Caesars who did that.

Stella:    See-sars. Like those things at the park that go up and down?

Me:        No. Caesars were leaders, more like…

Stella:    QUEENS!

Me:        Uh-oh. Well, kings. Never mind. Forget I said anything. I’m sorry I brought it up.

Stella:    I am eating like ancient Roman queens. I knew it ran in the family.



Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Hallelujah Breakfast Club

As a hurrier through life, I have skipped breakfast more often than I have eaten it. My run out the door seldom routed a swing through the kitchen. When my last job ended, I decided to make a change and started each morning with a simple, healthy breakfast. That sounds more wholesome than it usually is. Honestly, the definition of “healthy” shifts based on cravings and what happens to be available in the refrigerator.

As the early riser/recently unemployed, I took over the feeding of the bulldogs and their morning bathroom runs. I stepped into the den where every dog slept and they jumped to their feet in anticipation. “At last, this lady has come to feed us and let us out to pee.”  That was my interpretation. They didn’t vocalize it. They said it with their stomping feet. The whole room vibrated and rumbled like a bulldog percussion section. Sixteen dancing, pounding feet celebrated being alive, and hungry.

So we started sharing breakfast time together. Within a short while, I joined them in the morning celebration stomp and dubbed the daily event “The Hallelujah Breakfast Club”. I even made up a little theme song for it. (I will not burden you with the details.)

Once the food bowls were distributed, the persistent sound of chomping filled the room. My satisfaction at that sound surprised me. Humans may smack when we eat, but by and large, we are quiet consumers. Bulldogs don’t hold back. They enjoy eating and they let everyone know it. I was glad that they were glad. And I was happy that I was the one privileged to fill their bowls.

The Hallelujah Breakfast Club turned what could have been a lonely, mindless chore into a feast and the thing that made it so was an attitude. I could have chosen to be down or burdened or distracted or annoyed, but the noise of their silly bulldog feet pounding out “good morning” welcomed me to a different point of view – a joyful one. I don’t skip breakfast anymore if I can share the time with a bulldog. They know how to enjoy a good meal.

“Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31 KJV


Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.