I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogs, and first let me say, ‘Merry Christmas to all’ before I start pointing out all the ways humans mess up celebrations.
Me: Well, thank you. And no, thank you.
Stella: Didn’t you tell me that criticism is helpful?
Me: Constructive criticism, yes. But not too much and not too often. It can get kind of overwhelming.
Stella: Constructive. As in the human word ‘construct’? I have to build something? With these paws? How do you expect me to do that?
Me: Never mind. Just tell me how you think humans mess up celebrations, so we can all go to bed on time tonight.
Stella: Number one: That one right there – everything is rushed. Meals and visiting. Got to go here. Got to go there. Rush, rush, rush. And there’s all that food.
Me: What’s wrong with food?
Stella: Nothing, if you share. Otherwise the good smells are so unfair. It makes me want to cover my big old nose with my big old paws. Awwww. And then there are those things you hang all over the house, things that we are not allowed to chew on, play with, or carry around. Things that break if you breathe on them. Things that make funny noises and play music at all hours and flash lights into my eyeballs.
Me: All right then. How would you celebrate Christmas?
Stella: Me? I would eat a big breakfast, run around and potty outside, take a long nap, then another long nap, watch some Picture Box. That’s about it.
Me: What about visiting family and friends?
Stella: I already do too much of that every day.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.