I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. May I state for the record that I personally hate baths? Of course, I may. I am the Queen. I may do anything I wish.
Me: No, you may not.
Stella: Pardon the interruption. Lady Human has once again inserted herself into my business.
Me: I have an objection to make.
Stella: Please go on. Be as objectionable as you wish.
Me: I am not the one objectionable today. Today I am objecting to Snoopey and Wiggles and Miss Sweetie. They have been licking my feet and legs.
Stella: Here, let me see what your legs and feet taste like and I will be able to tell you why.
Stella: How do you expect me to help you when you won’t let me see what the attraction is? Maybe you taste like sirloin steak. If so, can you blame them?
Me: Sirloin steak? None of you has ever tasted sirloin steak.
Stella: And why is that, Lady Human? Hmmmm?
Me: Bottom line, I am not a lollipop. I don’t need to be licked like one.
Stella: They were giving you a bulldog bath. That’s all. Probably trying to help you out with your weird and busy day.
Me: I could use help in other ways. Besides, now that they have given me a tongue bath, I have to take another bath.
Stella: How insulting! And after all the effort they went to. Are you saying that their tongues are dirty?
Me: Yes. I am stating that categorically.
Stella: Fine. Now hear this, Bulldogs! Stop licking on Lady Human. She does not appreciate it. Why? I don’t know. But she is now on her own when it comes to baths.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.