I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and this is an emergency red alert to all humans and dogs within the sound of my voice. My squirrel, better known as Jerky McSquirrelyFace, is missing. If you see this squirrel, ask him why he left and tell him that we miss him…
Me: Wait! What is all this about? Your squirrel?
Stella: Jerky! I haven’t seen him in days!
Me: And you are just now putting out an alert? Your definition of emergency is different from mine.
Stella: I thought he might have gone on vacation.
Me: Do squirrels do that?
Stella: Sure. How would you like to eat the same pecans from the same trees all the time? I know how that feels, same old dog food every day, but back to Jerky. He has not come back. The sidewalks are clean. There are no half-eaten nuts or acorns on the ground. No one has been throwing shells on my head when I go outside.
Me: He hasn’t left.
Stella: What? Are you sure?
Stella: Well, where has the little booger been?
Me: He has expanded his territory. He is bringing food in from other places, still using our property as a base. I see him running down the top of our fence almost every morning when I am outside with Miss Sweetie. Usually he has a pecan in his mouth. Oh, and he has a girlfriend.
Stella: But…I thought…he liked me.
Me: He has a squirrel girlfriend. You are a bulldog as you are always reminding me.
Stella: Oh, all right!
Me: And what do you mean you thought he liked you? How many times have you complained about him? How he was throwing nuts on our heads and chucking at us. You were the one who named him ‘Jerky’. Most friends don’t call friends ‘Jerky’.
Stella: I was fond of him so I gave him a cute nickname.
Me: Are you fond of me? I wonder what cute nickname you’ve given me.
Stella: Well, that will just be my little secret. Never mind, humans and dogs within the sound of my voice. Red alert is cancelled. Jerky, my little squirrel nemesis, is still here. Let the games resume.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.