I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Once again, hello!
We bulldogs are known everywhere by our big, beautiful mouths. They are wide and deep and framed on the bottom by serious-looking teeth that Lady Human calls our “upside down vampire fangs”. I don’t know what an upside down vampire is. Since she loves bulldogs, that was probably a compliment to us. Probably. Maybe. Lady Human says weird things sometimes. I still love her. Probably.
Bulldogs are vocal. Human translation: LOUD. It is one of the things I like most about us. If you are a dog, bark. If you are going to bark, BARK LOUD!
Don’t be a pipsqueak!
But having said that, there is too much bulldog mouth traffic around here. This past week has been LOUD. When Lady Human takes me somewhere in her rolling box and there are too many other rolling boxes in front of her, she says, ‘Traffic jam!’ That means we won’t get to the fun place or…yuck, the vet (a sweet lady, but you know, vet) any time soon.
What we have at our house is a MOUTH TRAFFIC JAM. Too much bulldog talk too much of the time. Why does this bother me? Because with everyone else barking, no one can hear me. As queen, I deserve to be heard first, foremost, and all the time.
If the queen barks and no one hears her, how can she be queen?
So today I am issuing a queen order. (A what? An edict? If you say so.) I am issuing an edict.
NOBODY TALKS WHILE I AM TALKING. IF I AM QUIET AND START TALKING, EVERYBODY ELSE, SHUT UP!
SIGNED, QUEEN STELLA
Well, that was easy enough. I am surprised that the humans haven’t figured out the edict thing yet. It would solve all of their problems.
Signed, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges
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