May I please reintroduce Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge. She and I are conducting an open conversation on the following topic:
What the Freak Can We Do to Bring Peace Back into Our House?
Stella: I am not familiar with the word “freak” in that question. Is that like the other week when Tall Man dressed up like a giant insect? Because that was freaky. I’m still having nightmares.
Me: No, this use of the word “freak” is what humans call an expletive. It is used to get people’s attention and to emphasize strong emotion. Expletives are usually empty words to be avoided and there are expletives that I choose not to use. I am using “freak” here because it fits the way I feel – freaked out by all the wild behavior in the house lately. Do you understand?
Stella: Yes. You are freaked out by giant insects, too.
Me: No…Yes…No. Look, I would be if I ever saw a giant insect, but there aren’t any. They don’t exist. And giant insects are not the topic for discussion today.
Stella: They should be.
Me: Peace in the house, no more fighting or craziness, that is the conversation we are having today.
Stella: Barking and chasing Moon the Cat will not destroy the world. Giant insects will destroy the world.
Me: No, they won’t.
Stella: I saw it on one of those black and white shows on TV. You really shouldn’t leave the TV on when you go out of the room. Scary.
Me: I’ll try to remember that. Now can you help me? What can we do to bring peace to the house?
Stella: Get rid of all the other dogs and keep me.
Me: That wouldn’t be fair.
Stella: It would be fair to me. I was here first. Honestly, did you have this problem when it was just me?
Me: Well, no.
Stella: Moon the Cat and I got along fine, even though she made those hideous hissing noises when I walked by and she has such an ugly face because…you know, CAT! And just think how much more time you would have if the others were gone. More time to do all sorts of stuff like pet me, and play with me, and groom me, and go places with me, and…
Me: And you would no longer be Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, because there wouldn’t be any other bulldogs here. You would have no subjects.
Stella: Wouldn’t you be here?
Me: Okay, we have run out of time for today. We will have to take this matter up tomorrow. Sorry we couldn’t stay on topic.
Stella: Please join us tomorrow when our topic will be “The Growing Menace of Giant Insects”.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.