Here we are – again. With me is Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge and today we will attempt to stay on topic:
What the Freak Can We Do to Bring Peace Back into Our House?
Stella: We talked about that yesterday.
Me: Only briefly. Mostly we got stuck on the subject of giant insects.
Stella: I am totally opposed to peace talks with giant insects. No peace talks with them, not now, not ever.
Me: I apologize for Stella. Once she gets an idea in her head, in true bulldog fashion, she doesn’t let go. Back to topic, how do we resolve the conflict between Tiger and Snoopey and between the bulldogs and Moon the cat?
Stella: As I said before, get rid of the other dogs.
Stella: Get rid of the cat.
Stella: You and I go away on a long trip by ourselves and let them work things out.
Stella: Not camping. An air-conditioned hotel, long walks on the beach, treats, that sort of thing.
Stella: Tall Man can take care of the others. He won’t mind.
Me: Not the point.
Stella: You are right. Short walks on the beach. I don’t like long walks.
Me: Again, not the point. Look, is it possible for you to talk to Tiger about the Snoopey issue, dog to dog?
Stella: Teenagers don’t listen. Ask again in a few months. Tiger is all “I know everything. Don’t tell me what to do. Is it hot to you all in here? I feel like running. Watch me jump.” Listening is not strong with that one.
Me: A short term solution then?
Stella: Do what you tried this morning. Offer her a treat every time she comes inside and you want her to ignore Snoopey. It worked.
Me: Oh, you saw that? I thought you were asleep.
Stella: You had a treat in your hand. I can never be too soundly asleep to miss the scent of a treat floating around. Only when you do that with Tiger, give me a treat at the same time, just to keep the peace.
Me: Hah! Just you? What about the others?
Stella: They can make their own deals.
Me: Treats are supposed to be earned.
Stella: I earn a treat by my silence. You don’t know how hard it is to keep myself from barking at Tiger when she is acting like a jerk. And Tiger earns her treat when she comes in and doesn’t pick a fight with Snoopey. You don’t know how hard it is for Tiger not to act like a jerk.
Me: And the cat chasing? How do we stop that?
Stella: Why would we stop that?
Me: Because it is loud, disruptive, and disorderly.
Stella: And loads of fun and excitement. We’re running. And the cat’s running. And we’re jumping up on the furniture and knocking stuff over and the cat is on top of stuff and under stuff and behind stuff and everybody’s barking like mad…oh, I see.
Me: We’ll keep talking about that. And your idea about a vacation is not a bad one. Maybe we can do that sometime.
Stella: Only we have to go to a place where there are no giant insects!
Me: That shouldn’t be too hard to find.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.