Shouldering Through – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human wants to make another of her useless announcements. I had rather take a nap.

Me:        Why ‘useless’?

Stella:    What part of bulldog don’t you understand?

Me:        I have noted a disturbing trend during the past week.

Stella:    Have you noticed that humans are getting more annoying?

Me:        No. Yes. No. Maybe.

Stella:    That’s the disturbing trend I have noticed.

Me:        I have noticed that the bulldogs, including you, oh Queen, have been rushing the doors to push through ahead of me with the result that you all are banging your shoulders into my legs and into the door. You won’t even let me get the door open before you slam your shoulders into it. And you know what that means?

Stella:    It means that you are not opening the doors quickly enough. Hurry up from now on. End of trend.

Me:        It means a traffic jam, and no one gets through until somebody backs up.

Stella:    And that somebody is you.

Me:        How about a little less rush? How about taking turns?

Stella:    Yes, I agree, Lady Human, that is exactly what you should do.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Beep! Beep! Out of My Way! – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Woah! Watch out, Sweetie!

Miss Sweetie:    Comin’ through!

Me:        Slow down, Sweetie!

Miss Sweetie:    Comin’ through!

Me:        Why don’t you go around me? My legs have a right to be where they are.

Miss Sweetie:    Beep! Beep! Comin’ through!

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Me:        Beep? Where did you learn that?

Miss Sweetie:    In the Rolling Box, when we went to see the white coat people. Beep is what the Rolling Box said when other Rolling Boxes got in the way.

Stella:    Lady Human, did you beep at the other Rolling Boxes?

Me:        I don’t remember honking at anybody.

Miss Sweetie:    Beep! Beep! Out of my way! Comin’ through!

Stella:    Wow! Sweetie has the broadest bulldog shoulders. She’s a tank, like in those human war Picture Box shows you watch. She just doesn’t wear watch bands on her feet like they do.

Me:        She’s a veritable linebacker.

Stella:    Linebacker? She backs a line? I don’t understand.

Me:        No, a linebacker is a football player, big, tough…

Stella:    Football? Those humans who wear hard, round hats and smash into each other? COOL! I LOVE FOOTBALL!

Miss Sweetie:    Out of my way! Comin’ through!

Me:        Okay, Sweetie, where are you going in such a big hurry that you can’t avoid hitting my legs and pushing past me?

Miss Sweetie:    I’m taking my chicken for a walk. Comin’ through!

Me:        Sorry, but your stuffed chicken doesn’t need to walk.

Miss Sweetie:    Yes, she does. Watch out! Comin’ through!

Me:        Sweetie, look at the bruises on my legs!

Miss Sweetie:    Sorry, Lady Human.

Stella:    Yeah, Lady Human, but that’s what you get for standing in the middle of a bulldog highway. Beep! Beep!

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.