The Arrest of Doodlebug – Conversations with Stella and Doodlebug

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I hereby order the arrest of Doodlebug. Offense: Rampaging without a license. Disorderly conduct (even for a bulldog). General disobedience.

Me:        I am trying to catch him now. Can you help?

Stella:    I am not that fast, Lady Human. Sorry. He does not obey anyone. That is why you have my permission, my edict in fact, to arrest him. Take him into custody. Now. Please.

Me:        Doodle, come here!

Doodlebug:        Haha! Catch me if you can. What’s that over there?

Me:        Something that is not yours. Come here, boy!

Doodlebug:        Haha! Nope. What’s that over there?

Me:        My phone! No!

Doodlebug:        Okay. Wait. What’s this over here?

Snoopey:   Hey! My blanket! Leave it alone!

Doodlebug:   Oh, okay! Hey, what’s that?

Stella:    You know. It’s the Cat. Go, Doodlebug, go!

Me:   Stop!

Stella:    Awwww.

Me:        Doodle, stop! There! I got you. Leash arrest.

Doodlebug:   Awwww.

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Me:   Let’s go outside and run around. Get all the excess energy out.

Doodlebug:   Are you going outside, too?

Me:        Sure. I’ll go outside with you.

Doodlebug:   Will you run around?

Me:        No, not so much. Excess energy is not my particular issue.

Doodlebug:   When we come back in, will I still be under arrest?

Me:        Will you behave?

Doodlebug:        No.

Me:   Oh, all right, no. You won’t be under arrest. Never mind.

Stella:   She gives up too easily, Doodlebug. I am the Queen. Do what I say.

Doodlebug:   Mmmm. Nope.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

Walk With Me – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and I have a complaint.

Me:        That is not news.

Stella:    Why do you repeat yourself so much?

Me:        One guess.

Stella:    Just one?

Me:        That’s all you should need.

Stella:    Hmmm. One guess. Let’s see. You repeat yourself because you never pay attention to what you are saying.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    Are you sure? How do you know?

Me:        I just know.

Stella:    Ohhhh. I used up my only guess, didn’t I? Pooh. What’s the answer?

Me:        I repeat myself to be heard. Either the bulldogs ignore me or are so loud that they can’t hear me.

Stella:    Oh, we don’t ignore you, Lady Human. We just don’t care what you have to say. But what is this sentence you keep using over and over with Miss Sweetie and Doodlebug? ‘Walk with me. Walk with me.’ Boring.

Me:        I am trying to train them to walk with me, not against me. I need them to stop rampaging through the house. When it is time to go outside, they need to walk along with me, not stop to chase the cat or sniff at every little thing or go running wildly or jump on the furniture. This is not a circus. This is our house.

Stella:    I thought this was a circus, only without elephants and tigers.

Me:        Even in a circus, there are rules.

Stella:    Repeating yourself will not get their attention.

Me:        You and the other grownup dogs don’t rampage. Well, not much.

Stella:    Sadly, rampaging through the house is for the very young.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.