Junk Food – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hello. We are about to enjoy an evening snack as soon as Lady Human says it has cooled down enough. I am looking forward…ew, who has bad breath?

Me:        Since he just this second walked in from outside, you have one guess.

Stella;    Doodlebug! Aaaaggghh! Gag! Gag! Gag!

Me:        I caught him off in the corner of the yard where he evidently located a ‘snack’.

Tiger:     Pee-yoo. Doodle, we’re about to have a real food snack. Why are you eating leftovers outside?

Doodlebug:   I’m hungry now. Why wait?

Wiggles:   Because that nasty stuff out there is waste.

Doodlebug:   But you raid the waste basket all the time.

Wiggles:   That’s different. That’s indoor waste. It’s fresher and only stinks in a good way.

Miss Sweetie:    All Doodle is doing is what the humans call ‘recycling’. I thought that was a good thing.

Me:        Mmmmm. Different. We don’t eat our recyclables. Especially not that kind of recyclable.

Stella:    That stuff we leave outside is no better than junk food, Doodle boy. And, speaking of food, where is that good food snack you promised us, Lady Human? It should be cool enough by this time.

Me:        Here it comes. Scrambled eggs.

Stella:    I hope you left room for real food, Doodlebug. If not, I will be happy to take yours.

Doodlebug:   Not necessary, Aunt Stella. I always have room for more. Bring it on!

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Hey! Don’t Eat That!

We can all get in trouble when we put the wrong things in our mouths. Or even when we put too much of the right things in our mouths. Or when we eat grass and garbage. (The grass and garbage references are for our bulldog friends. Personally, I don’t eat grass or garbage.)

Wiggles is a trash can diver. She would love to be a dumpster diver, but being a bulldog, it is unlikely that she will ever encounter a dumpster short enough for her to dive into, and we wouldn’t let her anyway.

Now that spring has sprung, she is a grass-eater. When outside, she adds other delectables to her diet – an occasional acorn, dry bark from a fallen tree limb, a pecan if she can find one, and, last but not least, poop. Dog or cat variety, it makes no difference. She is not a connoisseur.

When she finds something that she wants to eat, she exhibits such joy that it makes me regret trying to take it away from her and “try” is the operative word. She trots off, tail wagging and ears flapping, head held high, deftly avoiding capture nine times out of ten.

As anyone who has been around English Bulldogs or Olde English Bulldogges knows, bullies’ diets have to be regulated due to their digestive issues. But regulate as we will, Wiggles goes for illicit snacks from the backyard and any wastepaper basket she finds unguarded. The result: gagging, farting, and on occasion, throwing up. Thank the LORD, no lasting harm. And sadly, no lesson learned by Wiggles. She sniffs out next target on her next trip outside and goes for it with gusto.

Humans have been gifted with the potential for self-control unlike our bulldog companions. All we have to do is exercise it and thus avoid the unappetizing consequences.

“Hast thou found honey? Eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it.” Proverbs 25:16 KJV

Sound, practical advice.

 

©2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.