Eat Some Grass – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. When I am in Lady Human’s room, all kinds of interesting things can happen. For example, when stuff came out of her mouth, she looked very much like a bulldog.

Miss Sweetie:    Was it drool? Because drool comes out of my mouth all the time.

Me:        No, Sweetie, it wasn’t drool. I wasn’t feeling well and…

Stella:    She did that gagging, spitting thing that we do when our stomachs don’t set right. No big deal.

Me:        Big deal to me. I don’t like throwing up.

Tiger:     Stella is right for once, and ONLY ONCE! No big deal. Next time, eat some grass.

Me:        I don’t think that is a human thing.

Doodlebug:   There’s a good patch of grass out behind the old tree stump.

Me:        How do I know it is not a patch you have all peed on?

Tiger:     Simple. Use your nose.

Wiggles:   There’s another good patch in front of where the chickens live. Don’t get too close though. They’ve been kicking their food out and all that leftover chicken food is mine. As for grass, pick the long stuff, but make sure to chew it up good.

Me:        Thanks for the tips, everybody. I’m all better now. No grass needed.

Stella:    Personally, I prefer pumpkin, but grass is free and easy to come by.

Me:        I appreciated how you stuck by me during my trouble, Stella. Sitting there on the bed, leaning against me.

Stella:    No problem, Lady Human. Dogs are not bothered by such natural things. Just remember next time – eat some grass.

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Hey! Don’t Eat That!

We can all get in trouble when we put the wrong things in our mouths. Or even when we put too much of the right things in our mouths. Or when we eat grass and garbage. (The grass and garbage references are for our bulldog friends. Personally, I don’t eat grass or garbage.)

Wiggles is a trash can diver. She would love to be a dumpster diver, but being a bulldog, it is unlikely that she will ever encounter a dumpster short enough for her to dive into, and we wouldn’t let her anyway.

Now that spring has sprung, she is a grass-eater. When outside, she adds other delectables to her diet – an occasional acorn, dry bark from a fallen tree limb, a pecan if she can find one, and, last but not least, poop. Dog or cat variety, it makes no difference. She is not a connoisseur.

When she finds something that she wants to eat, she exhibits such joy that it makes me regret trying to take it away from her and “try” is the operative word. She trots off, tail wagging and ears flapping, head held high, deftly avoiding capture nine times out of ten.

As anyone who has been around English Bulldogs or Olde English Bulldogges knows, bullies’ diets have to be regulated due to their digestive issues. But regulate as we will, Wiggles goes for illicit snacks from the backyard and any wastepaper basket she finds unguarded. The result: gagging, farting, and on occasion, throwing up. Thank the LORD, no lasting harm. And sadly, no lesson learned by Wiggles. She sniffs out next target on her next trip outside and goes for it with gusto.

Humans have been gifted with the potential for self-control unlike our bulldog companions. All we have to do is exercise it and thus avoid the unappetizing consequences.

“Hast thou found honey? Eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it.” Proverbs 25:16 KJV

Sound, practical advice.

 

©2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.