My Special Rain Place – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen Illustrious and Noble, Queen of the Old English Bulldogges. QUEEN! As Queen, I should be able to do what I want when I want, but I find that the humans have other plans. Why?

Me:        Why what?

Stella:    Why can’t I pee where I want?

Me:        I think you pretty much do. Though you are good about not peeing inside the house or garage and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that.

Stella:    I am not talking about the house. I know that is not a bathroom spot – except for humans who are privileged, I suppose. Anyway, I am talking about the yard on rainy days.

Me:        Yes?

Stella:    I have a special rain spot.

Me:        I know and I have never understood why.

Stella:    Why? Why? Wait a second. Why? Oh, yeah. On rainy days, I must pee in the small yard by the driveway. Period. Done deal.

Me:        But why? It is the same property, the same ground. The only difference is that there is a fence separating the back yard from the driveway area and garden. I have never understood why you won’t go out in the yard in the rain, but you will go in the driveway area. It makes no sense.

Stella:    It makes perfect bulldog sense.

Me:        Please explain perfect bulldog sense which makes no sense to me.

Stella:    It’s because all the other bulldogs use the yard on rainy days, that’s why!

Me:        So?

Stella:    Don’t you understand, Lady Human? Rain makes everything run together.

Me:        Okay?

Stella:    Yuck! I don’t want to walk in diluted pee-pee! At least, in my special rain place, all the pee is just me.

Me:        I hate to admit it, Stella, but that makes some sense.

Stella:    Think about it. My footprints in the mud. My puddles. Not shared with anyone else. I am a queen. My special rain place.

Me:        Okay. I get it.

Stella:    And now the next step will be to get my own indoor bathroom.

Me:        Uh-oh.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

Why Am I Peeing in the Rain? – Conversations with Stella

Me:        Why are we talking about bathroom issues again, Stella?

Stella:    Do you pee in the rain?

Me:        No, well, I’m not going to say never. I have been camping in the wilderness before, but…

Stella:    Well, I have for the last three days. So have we all, we bulldogs that is. If you get to pee inside when it rains, so should we.

Me:        The logistics are a little difficult.

Stella:    Logistics? Is that a word that means ‘peeing in the rain’? Because we want an indoor toilet. Humans understand these things. I know. I heard that man singing on the Picture Box about peeing in the rain.

Me:        Wait! When was that?

Stella:    That old singing movie you watch all the time on the Picture Box. He dances and sings about peeing.

Me:        No. No. No. No. He’s not ‘peeing in the rain’. He’s singing in the rain. Do you need your ears cleaned?

Stella:    Oh, that makes more sense because he seems happy and I am never happy and I never dance when I pee in the rain. I thought it was odd that you kept watching a movie about peeing in the rain when I never see humans do that.

Me:        I am sorry about the continued rain. It is supposed to start drying out tomorrow. Honestly, an indoor toilet for the bulldogs is not an option.

Stella:    Then somebody needs to tell Wiggles. She thinks the whole indoor/outdoor thing is a personal choice.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.