I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and…
Me: I have an announcement and some questions.
Me: For the cat.
Stella: You are asking a cat questions? Total waste of time. If I were you, Lady Human, I would start with the announcement.
Me: This morning at breakfast…
Stella: Yes, breakfast was incredibly slow this morning.
Me: Thank you for noticing, Stella. The reason for the delay is that someone had cut a slit into the new bag of dog food and I had to deal with the literal fallout.
Stella: TALL MAN! Blame him! He’s not here!
Me: No, this bag weighs 50 pounds. Tall Man would not have cut the bag in the center. He would have opened it from the top and, if he needed to cut it, he would have used a knife which would have made a neat, clean cut. This cut was only a few inches long and slightly jagged.
Stella: Don’t look at me.
Me: I’m not. There were a number of pokes on the bag, from something small and sharp. Like something kept hitting it. I suspect you, Moon the Cat.
Me: Wait! What?
Stella: I heard it on the Picture Box. It’s a human word for when you want to yell at somebody.
Me: I see. Well, Moon, did you cut the dogfood bag open with your claws?
Stella: You see. I told you. Typical. Cats won’t answer a straight question with a straight answer.
Me: She could be saying, ‘Yes’. My understanding of cat is not that good.
Stella: Why in the world would she open the bag? She doesn’t eat that food. And a good thing for her, too!
Me: You saw where the bag was.
Stella: On the floor by Snoopey’s crate.
Me: And I had noticed a great interest by the bulldogs, except for you, right by Snoopey’s crate the past few days.
Stella: Sneaky little cat! She opened it for her secret friend, Snoopey! That means…that makes…Aaaaghh! Snoopey is a traitor to bulldogs everywhere!
Me: She may not have chosen this friend. This friend may have chosen her.
Stella: A cat? I refuse to believe it. That cat wants something. Why else the bribe? Admit it, Moon! You are trying to get bulldog favor, buying it with the best of all bulldog bribes – food! What have you to say for yourself?
Moon the Cat: Meow.
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