I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hello! Bulldogs love to eat, preferably food, but we have been known to eat other things. That is, we have been known to eat anything that will fit in our mouths.
Me: In other words, you settle.
Stella: No settling involved. If it fits, we eats.
Me: Yeah, like that fuzz that was on the floor.
Miss Sweetie: It looked like ice cream.
Tiger: Yeah, if you didn’t want us to eat it, why did you put it on the floor?
Me: I didn’t PUT it on the floor. It fell on the floor.
Tiger: Same difference. Humans are in charge of everything.
Me: Not exactly. I wish you all would understand that.
Snoopey: Now you are going to tell us that some mysterious force that no one can see causes the fake food to fall on the floor.
Me: Well, yes. Gravity.
Stella: Ridiculous. Human nonsense. Who ever heard of gravity? I think she makes that stuff up.
Me: I do not need to argue the existence of gravity. Just drop something and watch it fall. Not up. Down.
Doodlebug: I saw that delicious fuzz fly up before it headed for my mouth.
Wiggles: That proves there is no such thing as gravity. Lady Human is fooling us.
Me: My whole point is that you all not eat just anything that falls on the floor. Fuzz is not food.
Stella: It should be labelled as ‘NOT FOOD’.
Me: Why? You can’t read.
Stella: Oh, yeah. Well then, put one of those circles with a line on it.
Miss Sweetie: Yes, I would definitely eat that.
Me: All right, here’s a test. In my left hand, I am holding a piece of fuzz. In my right hand, I am holding a treat. Which one should you eat?
Stella: Put them both on the floor. We will check them out and let you know.
Miss Sweetie: Wait. What flavor is the fuzz?
Doodlebug: Does it matter?
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