Hey! Missing Chew Stick! Come Here! – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. My favorite chew stick is missing! Who has it? I demand that you bring it back now! If you do, I will forego my royal wrath.

Tiger:     Royal wrath? Is that like you getting all mad? Haha!

Stella:    Where is my chew stick?

Tiger:     Don’t know. Don’t care. Why would I chew on your stick after it has been in your mouth?

Stella:    Where is my chew stick?

Wiggles:   Have you looked…

Stella:    Yes.

Wiggles:   How about over by…

Stella:    YES.

Wiggles:   What about…

Stella:    YES!!!

Wiggles:   Have you asked the chickens? I have been eating their leftovers. Maybe they ate your stick.

Stella:    Doodlebug, did you take it? You have a giant mouth. Are you hiding it in there? I will forgive you if you have it.

Doodlebug:   Would you let me keep it?

Stella:   NO!

Doodlebug:   Then no, I did not take it.

Miss Sweetie:    Aunt Stella, I know where it is.

Stella:    I can’t believe it is missing. I have looked everywhere.

Miss Sweetie:   Aunt Stella, I know where it is. My nose is talking to me.

Stella:    I had it earlier today.

Miss Sweetie:   Aunt Stella…

Me:        I’d listen to her, Stella. I think she’s on to something.

Miss Sweetie:   It’s in your day bed.

Stella:    I looked there! See! I turned around and around and around.

Me:        How many times has she turned around, Sweetie? Let’s count. Five, six, seven, eight…

Miss Sweetie:   I can’t count that high.

Me:        Stella, settle down. You’ve buried it in your blanket.

Stella:    I look, and I turn, and I scratch, and I look, and I turn, and I scratch.

Me:        There!

Stella:    Give it back, blanket! Mine! Finally! Having to wrestle my own blanket for my own chew stick! The world is a crazy place!

Me:        Yeah, I’m exhausted.

Stella:    Now where is my new softie toy?



Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.







Humans and Their Chew Sticks – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hello! I don’t understand humans so I ask Lady Human when I see a human doing something silly or weird or foolish…

Me:        In other words, bulldoggy.

Stella:    Now let’s not be insulting, Lady Human.Being bulldoggy is so much more than that.

Me:        What silly or weird or foolish or bulldoggy thing did you witness a human doing?

Stella:    A man on the Picture Box had a big chew stick hanging out of his mouth and the stick was ON FIRE! Then I saw a man standing outside of a building and he had a small white chew stick hanging out of his mouth and IT WAS ON FIRE, TOO!

Me:        I think I can explain.

Stella:    I thought humans had common sense. Fire sticks burn. That is why you never let us around your fire pit when it is still hot. Miss Sweetie would do something silly or foolish…

Me:        Or bulldoggy.

Stella:    Oh, all right. Or bulldoggy. Like picking up a fire stick in her mouth. And then she would be all like “Ow! Ow! Ow!” and I’d be like, “Yeah, didn’t your good ole Aunt Stella tell you not to fool with those hot sticks, but you just had to anyway.”

Me:        Stella, I think I can explain what you saw.

Stella:    And that’s another thing. How are we supposed to behave when we see humans setting bad examples?

Me:        Those were not chew sticks in those men’s mouths. The big one was probably a cigar and the small white stick was probably a cigarette.

Stella:    And humans know that these sticks will catch fire?

Me:        The humans purposely light the sticks on fire.

Stella:    WHY? Their human muzzles are right there! They could burn their noses!

Me:        That seldom if ever happens. The sticks are made up of rolled up leaves called tobacco. And the humans who use them do so for some of the same reasons that dogs like to chew on sticks. It calms them a little. It’s a habit.

Stella:    Humans have a habit of lighting their chew sticks on fire?

Me:        No. Humans don’t really have chew sticks. Well, some people chew the tobacco instead of smoking it, but they aren’t sticks.

Stella:    And where do the humans get their not-for-chewing fire sticks?

Me:        They buy them at stores.

Stella:    If I need a good stick to calm me down, I use the one you gave me or I go pick one up from the yard. Simple. And I don’t set fire to it. That would just be…

Me:        Bulldoggy?

Stella:    I couldn’t have said it better myself.


Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.