Finders Keepers – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human has lost something. She shows all the classic human signs. She picks up stuff and puts stuff down again. She keeps circling the same areas, looking, looking. This has been going on for hours. I wish I could help. What are you searching for, Lady Human?

Me:        Oh, those toenail clippers I was using on y’all the other day.

Stella:    I am sorry that I asked. I wish you all the failure in the world.

Me:        Well, that’s rude. I had them right here and I have no idea where I put them. Wait. One of the bulldogs didn’t carry them off, did they?

Stella:    I don’t know. Did they? How would I know? What do I look like? Their queen?

Me:        I understand that you all don’t like getting your nails trimmed.

Stella:    Don’t like? Mild language indeed.

Me:        I’ll check in the yard. Maybe Wiggles sneaked out with them.

Stella:    Pssst! Hey, Wiggles, did you snatch the nail cutters?

Wiggles:   Mmmm. What do they taste like?

Stella:    If you see them, grab them. The longer they stay missing, the longer we are free from nail chopping.

Me:        Never mind. No worries. Tall Man found them under a cushion on the couch. Wonder how they ended up there.

Stella:    Awww.

Miss Sweetie:    Sorry, Aunt Stella. I tried. I’m not that good at hide and seek nail clippers.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Hey! Missing Chew Stick! Come Here! – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. My favorite chew stick is missing! Who has it? I demand that you bring it back now! If you do, I will forego my royal wrath.

Tiger:     Royal wrath? Is that like you getting all mad? Haha!

Stella:    Where is my chew stick?

Tiger:     Don’t know. Don’t care. Why would I chew on your stick after it has been in your mouth?

Stella:    Where is my chew stick?

Wiggles:   Have you looked…

Stella:    Yes.

Wiggles:   How about over by…

Stella:    YES.

Wiggles:   What about…

Stella:    YES!!!

Wiggles:   Have you asked the chickens? I have been eating their leftovers. Maybe they ate your stick.

Stella:    Doodlebug, did you take it? You have a giant mouth. Are you hiding it in there? I will forgive you if you have it.

Doodlebug:   Would you let me keep it?

Stella:   NO!

Doodlebug:   Then no, I did not take it.

Miss Sweetie:    Aunt Stella, I know where it is.

Stella:    I can’t believe it is missing. I have looked everywhere.

Miss Sweetie:   Aunt Stella, I know where it is. My nose is talking to me.

Stella:    I had it earlier today.

Miss Sweetie:   Aunt Stella…

Me:        I’d listen to her, Stella. I think she’s on to something.

Miss Sweetie:   It’s in your day bed.

Stella:    I looked there! See! I turned around and around and around.

Me:        How many times has she turned around, Sweetie? Let’s count. Five, six, seven, eight…

Miss Sweetie:   I can’t count that high.

Me:        Stella, settle down. You’ve buried it in your blanket.

Stella:    I look, and I turn, and I scratch, and I look, and I turn, and I scratch.

Me:        There!

Stella:    Give it back, blanket! Mine! Finally! Having to wrestle my own blanket for my own chew stick! The world is a crazy place!

Me:        Yeah, I’m exhausted.

Stella:    Now where is my new softie toy?

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

No Accounting for Human Taste – Conversations with Stella

Once again, I am Stella, Queen Illustrious of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:        You aren’t “once again” Stella. You are always Stella. It’s not like you stopped being Stella and then became Stella again.

Stella:    Why are you being so picky?

Me:        I am not being picky.

Stella:    Then you are being snappy. Why?

Me:        I am not being snappy.

Stella:    I am a bulldog. I know picky and snappy when I hear it. Do you need a nap? When I am picky and snappy, it is usually because I have missed one of my 14 daily naps.

Me:        I don’t need a nap.

Stella:    Did you eat breakfast? When I am picky and snappy, it is usually because I have skipped breakfast.

Me:        I did not skip breakfast.

Stella:    How about lunch? Did you miss that? When I am picky and snappy, it is usually because I have skipped lunch.

Me:        I did not miss lunch! Leave me alone!

Stella:    Now that was just plain rude. Are your feet itchy? When I am picky and snappy and rude, it is usually because my feet are itchy. Here! Let me lick them the way I lick mine. It helps.

Me:        No, my feet are not itchy. Please don’t lick them!

Stella:    Picky, snappy, and rude, but not sleepy or hungry or itchy. I give up.

Me:        I’m sorry, Stella. I have misplaced something and it has me frustrated.

Stella:    Did you misplace a bulldog?

Me:        No, nothing so important as that.

Stella:    Good, because I just counted and we are all here and if you had misplaced a bulldog, that would mean you had a secret bulldog we did not know about.

Me:        In fact, what I have misplaced is of no real importance at all and yet I am all wound up about it. I keep looking in all the places it could be, checking and rechecking.

Stella:    What is it? The other bulldogs and I can search for it, especially if it smells bad.

Me:        It doesn’t and it’s not important.

Stella:    We want to help. What is it?

Me:        Just a paper bookmark.

Stella:    That’s easy. What does it look like?

Me:        It has some colorful drawings on it. It’s no big deal. I’ll come across it eventually.

Stella:    Drawings of what?

Me:        Just forget it.

Stella:    Drawings of what? No… not SQUIRRELS!

Me:        No, not squirrels.

Stella:    Whew!

Me:        Cats.

Stella:    Mwaaah! What? Eeewww! Better off lost! Why cats? Who wants pictures of cats? I can’t believe it. Why not dogs?

Me:        They didn’t have any of dogs. They were sold out.

Stella:    Of course, they were. Everyone wants dogs. Well, offer of help is hereby withdrawn. As for your cat bookmark, I hope you don’t find it.

Me:        Now who’s being rude.

Stella:    All I can say is that, if I find it first, I will let you know what colorful paper cats taste like! DOGS FOREVER! No, Lady Human, don’t look sad. I love you despite your bad taste. I won’t chew up your ugly cat bookmark. My bulldog slobber all over it will be enough.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.