Once again, I am Stella, Queen Illustrious of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: You aren’t “once again” Stella. You are always Stella. It’s not like you stopped being Stella and then became Stella again.
Stella: Why are you being so picky?
Me: I am not being picky.
Stella: Then you are being snappy. Why?
Me: I am not being snappy.
Stella: I am a bulldog. I know picky and snappy when I hear it. Do you need a nap? When I am picky and snappy, it is usually because I have missed one of my 14 daily naps.
Me: I don’t need a nap.
Stella: Did you eat breakfast? When I am picky and snappy, it is usually because I have skipped breakfast.
Me: I did not skip breakfast.
Stella: How about lunch? Did you miss that? When I am picky and snappy, it is usually because I have skipped lunch.
Me: I did not miss lunch! Leave me alone!
Stella: Now that was just plain rude. Are your feet itchy? When I am picky and snappy and rude, it is usually because my feet are itchy. Here! Let me lick them the way I lick mine. It helps.
Me: No, my feet are not itchy. Please don’t lick them!
Stella: Picky, snappy, and rude, but not sleepy or hungry or itchy. I give up.
Me: I’m sorry, Stella. I have misplaced something and it has me frustrated.
Stella: Did you misplace a bulldog?
Me: No, nothing so important as that.
Stella: Good, because I just counted and we are all here and if you had misplaced a bulldog, that would mean you had a secret bulldog we did not know about.
Me: In fact, what I have misplaced is of no real importance at all and yet I am all wound up about it. I keep looking in all the places it could be, checking and rechecking.
Stella: What is it? The other bulldogs and I can search for it, especially if it smells bad.
Me: It doesn’t and it’s not important.
Stella: We want to help. What is it?
Me: Just a paper bookmark.
Stella: That’s easy. What does it look like?
Me: It has some colorful drawings on it. It’s no big deal. I’ll come across it eventually.
Stella: Drawings of what?
Me: Just forget it.
Stella: Drawings of what? No… not SQUIRRELS!
Me: No, not squirrels.
Stella: Mwaaah! What? Eeewww! Better off lost! Why cats? Who wants pictures of cats? I can’t believe it. Why not dogs?
Me: They didn’t have any of dogs. They were sold out.
Stella: Of course, they were. Everyone wants dogs. Well, offer of help is hereby withdrawn. As for your cat bookmark, I hope you don’t find it.
Me: Now who’s being rude.
Stella: All I can say is that, if I find it first, I will let you know what colorful paper cats taste like! DOGS FOREVER! No, Lady Human, don’t look sad. I love you despite your bad taste. I won’t chew up your ugly cat bookmark. My bulldog slobber all over it will be enough.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.