No Accounting for Human Taste – Conversations with Stella

Once again, I am Stella, Queen Illustrious of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:        You aren’t “once again” Stella. You are always Stella. It’s not like you stopped being Stella and then became Stella again.

Stella:    Why are you being so picky?

Me:        I am not being picky.

Stella:    Then you are being snappy. Why?

Me:        I am not being snappy.

Stella:    I am a bulldog. I know picky and snappy when I hear it. Do you need a nap? When I am picky and snappy, it is usually because I have missed one of my 14 daily naps.

Me:        I don’t need a nap.

Stella:    Did you eat breakfast? When I am picky and snappy, it is usually because I have skipped breakfast.

Me:        I did not skip breakfast.

Stella:    How about lunch? Did you miss that? When I am picky and snappy, it is usually because I have skipped lunch.

Me:        I did not miss lunch! Leave me alone!

Stella:    Now that was just plain rude. Are your feet itchy? When I am picky and snappy and rude, it is usually because my feet are itchy. Here! Let me lick them the way I lick mine. It helps.

Me:        No, my feet are not itchy. Please don’t lick them!

Stella:    Picky, snappy, and rude, but not sleepy or hungry or itchy. I give up.

Me:        I’m sorry, Stella. I have misplaced something and it has me frustrated.

Stella:    Did you misplace a bulldog?

Me:        No, nothing so important as that.

Stella:    Good, because I just counted and we are all here and if you had misplaced a bulldog, that would mean you had a secret bulldog we did not know about.

Me:        In fact, what I have misplaced is of no real importance at all and yet I am all wound up about it. I keep looking in all the places it could be, checking and rechecking.

Stella:    What is it? The other bulldogs and I can search for it, especially if it smells bad.

Me:        It doesn’t and it’s not important.

Stella:    We want to help. What is it?

Me:        Just a paper bookmark.

Stella:    That’s easy. What does it look like?

Me:        It has some colorful drawings on it. It’s no big deal. I’ll come across it eventually.

Stella:    Drawings of what?

Me:        Just forget it.

Stella:    Drawings of what? No… not SQUIRRELS!

Me:        No, not squirrels.

Stella:    Whew!

Me:        Cats.

Stella:    Mwaaah! What? Eeewww! Better off lost! Why cats? Who wants pictures of cats? I can’t believe it. Why not dogs?

Me:        They didn’t have any of dogs. They were sold out.

Stella:    Of course, they were. Everyone wants dogs. Well, offer of help is hereby withdrawn. As for your cat bookmark, I hope you don’t find it.

Me:        Now who’s being rude.

Stella:    All I can say is that, if I find it first, I will let you know what colorful paper cats taste like! DOGS FOREVER! No, Lady Human, don’t look sad. I love you despite your bad taste. I won’t chew up your ugly cat bookmark. My bulldog slobber all over it will be enough.



Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

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