Hello! I am Stella, Queen Illustrious and Noble of the Olde English Bulldogges. Allow me to repeat that – QUEEN! As queen, I should not have anything assault my nose. Ever.
Me: What is the problem?
Stella: There is a terrible stink.
Me: Well, you know…bulldogs. Hellooo!
Stella: I already said hello to everyone. And what does stink have to do with bulldogs?
Me: Is that a real question, Stella?
Stella: This stink hit me in the face when I came into your room.
Me: I don’t smell anything peculiar.
Stella: Let me be brutally honest. The stink is coming from you, Lady Human.
Me: What? I showered. I put on clean clothes.
Stella: It is your skin.
Me: I rubbed on some essential oils. That’s all. No perfume.
Stella: 220 million dog nose receptors can’t be wrong.
Me: 220 million, huh. That’s a lot.
Stella: I don’t know what 220 million means, but I know it is more than four. Four is the number of one paw’s worth of toes. How powerful are human noses?
Me: Hmmm…5 million.
Stella: Don’t be embarrassed about your weak nose, Lady Human. Be embarrassed about stinking so badly.
Me: Essential oils don’t stink. They may be overpowering to you, but not to humans.
Stella: Please warn me before you use them again.
Me: I will if you will forewarn me about bulldog gas leaks.
Stella: I can make no promises. Our gas leaks surprise even me most of the time.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.