I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hello! I don’t understand humans so I ask Lady Human when I see a human doing something silly or weird or foolish…
Me: In other words, bulldoggy.
Stella: Now let’s not be insulting, Lady Human.Being bulldoggy is so much more than that.
Me: What silly or weird or foolish or bulldoggy thing did you witness a human doing?
Stella: A man on the Picture Box had a big chew stick hanging out of his mouth and the stick was ON FIRE! Then I saw a man standing outside of a building and he had a small white chew stick hanging out of his mouth and IT WAS ON FIRE, TOO!
Me: I think I can explain.
Stella: I thought humans had common sense. Fire sticks burn. That is why you never let us around your fire pit when it is still hot. Miss Sweetie would do something silly or foolish…
Me: Or bulldoggy.
Stella: Oh, all right. Or bulldoggy. Like picking up a fire stick in her mouth. And then she would be all like “Ow! Ow! Ow!” and I’d be like, “Yeah, didn’t your good ole Aunt Stella tell you not to fool with those hot sticks, but you just had to anyway.”
Me: Stella, I think I can explain what you saw.
Stella: And that’s another thing. How are we supposed to behave when we see humans setting bad examples?
Me: Those were not chew sticks in those men’s mouths. The big one was probably a cigar and the small white stick was probably a cigarette.
Stella: And humans know that these sticks will catch fire?
Me: The humans purposely light the sticks on fire.
Stella: WHY? Their human muzzles are right there! They could burn their noses!
Me: That seldom if ever happens. The sticks are made up of rolled up leaves called tobacco. And the humans who use them do so for some of the same reasons that dogs like to chew on sticks. It calms them a little. It’s a habit.
Stella: Humans have a habit of lighting their chew sticks on fire?
Me: No. Humans don’t really have chew sticks. Well, some people chew the tobacco instead of smoking it, but they aren’t sticks.
Stella: And where do the humans get their not-for-chewing fire sticks?
Me: They buy them at stores.
Stella: If I need a good stick to calm me down, I use the one you gave me or I go pick one up from the yard. Simple. And I don’t set fire to it. That would just be…
Stella: I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.