I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and I am bringing a complaint to the management of this hotel.
Stella: All of my food is brown all the time. It is boring. You have different colors of food on your plate. I want some of that.
Me: Stella, you eat a very healthy diet that is great for bulldogs. I never see you turning your nose up at it.
Stella: And I never will. I just want your pretty food, too.
Me: Well, maybe I am not inclined to share my food with you.
Stella: I am willing to trade.
Me: Honestly, Stella, I don’t see myself eating your dogfood. It is a little…unappetizing for a human.
Stella: Unappetizing. Is that another word for brown?
Me: No, it means your food was not made for humans and is not attractive to us.
Stella: What? Why not? It smells good. It tastes good. It is just boring to look at. Wait! Is something wrong with it?
Me: No, not for bulldogs.
Stella: That is what I thought. Bulldogs are not being treated like honored guests at this hotel!
Me: Stella, this is not a hotel. This is our home.
Stella: I saw hotels on the Picture Box. Don’t you bring us room service?
Me: Well…sort of. We serve you food.
Stella: So this is a hotel. I am giving it one star.
Me: At least a bad rating would insure that we would have no visitors, if this were a hotel which it is not.
Stella: Exactly. We don’t need no visitors taking our rooms and eating our brown food. If you work on getting us some red and yellow and green food, maybe I can give you another star.
Me: That would just attract strangers and you don’t want that, remember?
Stella: Oh, yeah. Better leave it at one star.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.