Why Is My Food Always Brown? – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and I am bringing a complaint to the management of this hotel.

Me:        Hotel?

Stella:    All of my food is brown all the time. It is boring. You have different colors of food on your plate. I want some of that.

Me:        Stella, you eat a very healthy diet that is great for bulldogs. I never see you turning your nose up at it.

Stella:    And I never will. I just want your pretty food, too.

Me:        Well, maybe I am not inclined to share my food with you.

Stella:    I am willing to trade.

Me:        Honestly, Stella, I don’t see myself eating your dogfood. It is a little…unappetizing for a human.

Stella:    Unappetizing. Is that another word for brown?

Me:        No, it means your food was not made for humans and is not attractive to us.

Stella:    What? Why not? It smells good. It tastes good. It is just boring to look at. Wait! Is something wrong with it?

Me:        No, not for bulldogs.

Stella:    That is what I thought. Bulldogs are not being treated like honored guests at this hotel!

Me:        Stella, this is not a hotel. This is our home.

Stella:    I saw hotels on the Picture Box. Don’t you bring us room service?

Me:        Well…sort of. We serve you food.

Stella:    So this is a hotel. I am giving it one star.

Me:        At least a bad rating would insure that we would have no visitors, if this were a hotel which it is not.

Stella:    Exactly. We don’t need no visitors taking our rooms and eating our brown food. If you work on getting us some red and yellow and green food, maybe I can give you another star.

Me:        That would just attract strangers and you don’t want that, remember?

Stella:    Oh, yeah. Better leave it at one star.


Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.