Author: H.J. Hill

I am Sweetie, Princess of the Olde English Bulldogges…or Queen, I can’t decide which.

Me: Sweetie?

Sweetie: Yes?

Me: What is this?

Sweetie: I think you know what that is.

Me: If you needed to go, you should have called.

Sweetie: I didn’t want to bother you.

Me: Pooping in your water bowl is not ideal, but it does simplify the mess. And it always impresses me.

Sweetie: I have perfect aim, don’t I?

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What is that horrible whining noise?

MoonCat: Meow. Don’t look at me.

Me: Those are the storm sirens. A huge line of severe thunderstorms is moving through in just a few minutes.

Doodlebug: Who told them to move through my domain? I am the king and I did not give permission.

Me: Yeah, well, storms are real bad about not asking permission.

Sweetie: I hear the wind. What do we do? Blow back?

Me: Nope. Just stay inside, hold onto your hats. And pray. We’ve been through this before.

Doodlebug: This is like those shows on the big Picture Box.

Sweetie: Oh, good! Can we have snacks? I want cheese.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Move along. Move along. Time’s a-wasting.

Sweetie:  Hey, no cutting in line! I was here first!

Doodlebug:  My stomach is getting emptier by the second.

Me:  You just ate not three hours ago.

Doodlebug:  YES! TOO LONG! And this line is taking forever.

Sweetie:  The service here is terrible.

Me:  Hey, I’ve only got two hands.

MoonCat:  Meow! Where is my food?

Me:  Coming. Coming. I only have two legs.

Sweetie:  Excuses. Excuses. Keep the line moving.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Sweetie, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Forget that King Doodlebug stuff.

Me: Don’t you want to come in? You’ve been out here quite a while.

Sweetie: Sunbaths are the best thing ever.

Me: Well, they are on 50° days in February. On 103° days in July, not so much.

Sweetie: The sun has been hiding a bunch lately. I’ve got to catch it when I can. Hey, since I am queen, can’t I just tell it to shine?

Me: It doesn’t work that way. Sorry.

Sweetie: Don’t worry about it, Lady Human. Just something else for bulldogs to fix when we take over.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, something is wrong with this picture.

Sweetie: Yes, something is very wrong. The earth has disappeared…again. This smacks of human mismanagement

Me: Well, it is winter after all.

Doodlebug: No excuse. The ground is cold and white and frozen.

Sweetie: Who is in charge here?

Me: To be honest, the Great Creator put humans in charge of the day-to-day…

Sweetie: Just as I thought. HUMAN MISMANAGEMENT.

Me: Admittedly, we don’t always do the best job.

Doodkebug: Bulldogs would never allow this sort of thing to happen.

Me: I think bulldogs would allow other no-so-good things to happen, honestly.

Swettie: Excuses, excuses! Fix this, Lady Human! NOW!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!

Doodlebug: What does that mean, Lady Human? That doesn’t even make any sense, bulldog or otherwise.

Me: I am just imitating what I heard you all doing this morning.

Sweetie: That is not a good imitation, ma’am. First of all, you are not a bulldog, so the voice is all wrong. Next, there is no sincere heart-felt complaint in it. When we grumble, we mean it.

Me: I couldn’t tell what y’all meant. Humans have a old saying though. “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”

Doodlebug: What is flattery? It sounds interesting, like something to eat maybe?

Sweetie: But if it isn’t, we aren’t really interested. Old bulldog saying: “If it’s not food, it’s not worth our time.”

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.