I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Humans do not mean what they say, nor do they say what they mean. It is an age-old problem. I should know. I am ages old.
Me: What? Just how old do you think you are?
Stella: Humans say that you are as old as you feel. Today I feel 1,456 years old.
Me: Very interesting. So you weren’t born in this century. I thought you said that humans do not mean what we say or say what we mean. It’s beginning to sound as though you have that problem, too. I guarantee you that you are not over a thousand years old.
Stella: Strange words coming from you, Lady Human. You have no sense of time.
Me: I think my sense of time is…
Stella: Who wakes the household every morning at the same time? Give or take a few of what you all call ‘minutes’.
Stella: His stomach works like the toy you call a ‘clock’. Humans have entirely too many toys. Maybe Doodlebug swallowed one.
Me: Nope. His digestive system operates on a schedule.
Stella: What I need right now is to go outside and potty…
Me: Hold on. Wait a couple of minutes until I finish this.
Stella: A couple? What is a couple?
Me: More like 5 minutes. Wait 5 minutes.
Stella: Okay. One…two…three…four…five. Five minutes is up.
Me: That was only a five count, not five minutes.
Stella: Humans always say ‘wait’. It must be your most important, most favoritest word.
Me: Favoritest is not a word.
Stella: It is now. And now is now! And I have to go potty now! Not 5 minutes from now! Now!
Me: Oh, okay then. Why didn’t you say so?
Stella: I did. Unlike humans, I say what I mean and mean what I say as you almost found out.
Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.