I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. SHHHHH!!!! Don’t say anything! Maybe she won’t find me. Hiding is hard when you are shaped like a four-legged, 50-pound tank. I’ll squeeze back here. Nope. That won’t work. My back half is sticking out. If I can avoid her long enough, maybe she’ll forget about me, and then the danger will pass. I can squeeze behind the couch. Hey! Cat! Move it! Bulldog coming through! Make way! What do you mean ‘meow’? Hiss!!! How about that? Does that get your attention?
Me: Stella! Hey, Stella! Come here, girl. Just for a minute.
Stella: Just for a minute. Huh. A likely story. I can smell it. She forgets I have a dog’s nose. A poor thing, but my own, and it serves me at times like these. If I can just…scrunch down…a little bit more…I can wait out the threat back here.
Moon the Cat: Meooww.
Stella: SHHHHH!!!! Whisper!!! Don’t you understand anything? She’s got that bottle of sour-scented water in her hand.
Moon the Cat: Meooowww.
Moon the Cat: Why don’t you want her to take care of your ears?
Stella: What? You speak my language? Why haven’t you done this before?
Moon the Cat: Bulldoggese is a difficult tongue for a cat. Very rough. It beats up my mouth. Why don’t you learn my language instead?
Stella: A preposterous notion. The very idea!
Me: Oh, Stella, there you are. Come here. Just for a minute.
Stella: No. No! No!!! Now see what you’ve done, Cat!
Moon the Cat: I helped you find the Lady Human. You are welcome.
Me: It won’t take a second and you know it makes your ears feel better, Stella. There. That’s one ear. Now for the other.
Stella: Eeeggghhh. Eeeggghhh! Eeeggghhh!!
Me: You see. All done. Until next time.
Stella: Until next time. Destroyer of hope.
Me: What’s better? To suffer the itch and pain of ear infections or to take arms against them and, by opposing, end them.
Stella: You made that up. Strange words from someone who does not put drops of sour water into her own ears.
Me: Thank you, Moon, for alerting me to Stella’s whereabouts.
Moon the Cat: Glad to have been of help. Not really. Meow.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.