Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge, and I are here again to discuss what Stella thinks is the topic of the day. Though this subject will never make the front page of the New York Times or any other page, Stella likes to keep her interests close to home and personal.
Stella: If it doesn’t involve me, it is not interesting.
Me: That is a self-centered approach to life.
Stella: Exactly. You understand.
Me: That was not a compliment. On to your question.
Stella: A hen outside squawks very loudly. She is annoying. You know that I don’t like annoying. I told her to be quiet, but she just looked at me like I was crazy and kept up the noise.
Me: She probably doesn’t speak bulldog well. I heard her, too. I shushed her, but she didn’t listen to me either. She paused for a few seconds and then started up again.
Stella: What is her problem? That noise is so rude.
Me: Her squawking is akin to your barking.
Stella: It is not. Chickens are not related to bulldogs. Look at us. Strong. Magnificent. Look at them. Silly. Fluffy. And they walk funny.
Me: They are likely thinking that same about you. Not the fluffy part. But silly, yeah. And you do tend to sashay when you walk, Stella. You know, the chickens have been with us a whole year now.
Stella: I remember when they came. They were tiny little peepers. There was not a loud squawker among them. What happened?
Me: They grew up, just like puppies do.
Stella: Puppies don’t grow up to squawk. They learn to bark. Barking is noble. Chicken squawking is a horrible noise.
Me: You have complained about Tiger and Wiggles barking.
Stella: Only when they weren’t saying anything useful. Now about this chicken problem.
Me: Occasionally, chickens squawk when they lay an egg. She’ll quiet down after it’s not such a big deal to her anymore. Or she may be bossing another hen around. They will sort that out in the pecking order. Sort of like your bulldog pack order.
Stella: Did you say ‘egg’?
Stella: Eggs are food.
Stella: I should eat the eggs.
Me: No, that’s not part of your diet. Remember when you had all the itchy patches.
Stella: When I hear the squawking, I will run to check for eggs.
Me: No, you won’t. You can’t get to them anyway.
Stella: I will befriend Squawker and she will hand them to me.
Me: I seriously doubt that.
Stella: Wait! Do chickens lay eggs the way dogs lay puppies? Are you eating their babies? No!!! No wonder they’re squawking! I would squawk!
Me: Don’t worry. These eggs will never turn into baby chicks. There is no rooster.
Stella: We should have a rooster then.
Me: If you don’t like squawking, I can guarantee you won’t like what a rooster does. Meanwhile, go use your Stella power on the squawking hen the way you do when you change Wiggles’ mind by looking her in the eye.
Stella: I will try, but I have to be careful. Chicken brains are so small. My bulldog brain superpower might melt them.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.