Washing Day – Stella’s Stuff – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and I have terrible news. I have been robbed! I don’t know if a bulldog did it or a human did it. The crime may have been committed by giant insects or the Giant Floating Enemy Balloon that came to live with us last week. All I know is that I went outside briefly, just to pee, and when I came back in, all of my bedding and toys were GONE! Snatched clean out of my crate…

Me:        Stella.

Stella:    Mwaah! Ohhh! the bulldogginess of it!

Me:        Stella.

Stella:    Why me? I’m a good dog! Why did this happen? I know! I won’t ever go outside to pee again. I will pee right here and guard my crate!

Me:        Stella!

Stella:    Wait, Lady Human. I am not finished. As queen, I will conduct a thorough investigation and find the culprit who made off with my things.

Me:        Look no further. I did it.

Stella:    What! NOOO! Why? Why? Why?

Me:        Because…

Stella:    Why? Why? Why? Can no one be trusted? Oh, the horror…

Me:        Stella, it’s all still here! It’s all in the wash. When it comes out of the washer, I’ll put it in the dryer and then back in your crate – bed, blanket, stuffie toys and all.

Stella:    But why me?

Me:        Honey, of all the bulldogges, your crate was the only spot in this whole room that smelled like…well, dog.

Stella:    That’s because I’m a dog!

Me:        So are they!

Stella:    The smell wasn’t bothering me and your nose isn’t nearly as good as mine. Why were you opposed to me smelling bulldoggy? Which I am. Bulldog me!

Me:        You will have all your stuff back before long. A couple of hours at the most.

Stella:    Show me. I want to visit my stuff. I want all the stuffies and my bed to know that they are still loved and I am here for them.

Me:        Hard to do when they are swirling around in the washer.

Stella:    Swirling?

Me:        No, never mind. They are swimming and having a good time.

Stella:    Well, all right. I can’t deny them the pleasure of swimming. But the next time I go out to pee, I am taking my crate with me.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    Well, I am taking my stuffies and my bedding with me.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    Well, just the stuffies.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    Okay then. But I want you to put an alarm on my crate.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    Why ever not?

Me:        To guard what? The stink?

Stella:    We have already discussed that issue, Lady Human. We will just have to agree to disagree on the definition of ‘stink’.

Me:        Nope. My definition wins.

Stella:    Humans are so picky.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Conversations with Stella – My Beautiful Bed, Goodbye!

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me:        Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge, is frustrated and sad. She is going through a mini crisis.

Stella:   Mini? You mean like those little dachshunds. No, not mini! Biggy! A biggy sad!

Me:        Okay, a biggy sad. Why don’t you explain?

Stella:   My bed! My wonderful, perfect bed! The one Tall Man gave me the first night I came here to my new home. It’s ….gone! Destroyed! Life will never be the same!

Me:        And how did it come to be destroyed so suddenly?

Stella:   Mmmmm, not sure.

Me:        Mmmmm, think about it.

Stella:   Well, my fancy Nylabone was stuck under my bed and it refused to come out when I called it so I could chew on it and I got more and more frustrated and I started pawing at the pad and I kept on and on…and before I knew it, a big hole…just appeared…and stuffing came out…and….AAAAWWWWGHH! The floor to my beautiful bed was GONE!

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Me:        Do you understand how the big hole happened?

Stella:   AAAAWWWWGHH! No!

Me:        The beds are not meant to be pawed and pawed like that. You have to be gentle with them.

Stella:   AAAAWWWWGHH! But I’m a bulldog!

Me:        At least I got your Nylabone untangled.

Stella:   Yes…thank you. Chewing on it made me feel better.

Me:        Hey, I gave you another bed.

Stella:   It’s not the same.

Me:        It’s the same size by the same company.

Stella:   Not the same. Doesn’t smell like me.

Me:        It will. Honestly, it probably already does.

Stella:   Not the same. My beautiful bed had dog memories. I had some great dreams in that bed. Running, barking, chasing the cat. Gone. All gone.

Me:        You will enjoy new dreams.

Stella:   How would you feel if your bed was destroyed?

Me:        I would have to get another and break it in, get used to it, but it would be all right.

Stella:   Your bed must not be as special as mine was.

Me:        Special? I don’t know. It’s comfortable.

Stella:   AAAAWWWWGHH! You don’t understand!

Me:        Well, I am going to try to fix your old bed. I am going to sew a new floor into it so you will still have the same bolster all the way around it on which to rest your head.

Stella:   You can do that? Really?

Me:        I can try. I have some fabric that might work. Even for a bulldog.

Stella:   When? When? When?

Me:        Give me a few days. I’m going to have to stitch it by hand.

Stella:   Lady Human, if there is anything good that I can ever do for you, just let me know.

Me:        You can keep from clawing up the floor of your bed in the future. As for anything else, well, Stella, I think you’ve already done it.

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.