I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and I have terrible news. I have been robbed! I don’t know if a bulldog did it or a human did it. The crime may have been committed by giant insects or the Giant Floating Enemy Balloon that came to live with us last week. All I know is that I went outside briefly, just to pee, and when I came back in, all of my bedding and toys were GONE! Snatched clean out of my crate…
Me: Stella.
Stella: Mwaah! Ohhh! the bulldogginess of it!
Me: Stella.
Stella: Why me? I’m a good dog! Why did this happen? I know! I won’t ever go outside to pee again. I will pee right here and guard my crate!
Me: Stella!
Stella: Wait, Lady Human. I am not finished. As queen, I will conduct a thorough investigation and find the culprit who made off with my things.
Me: Look no further. I did it.
Stella: What! NOOO! Why? Why? Why?
Me: Because…
Stella: Why? Why? Why? Can no one be trusted? Oh, the horror…
Me: Stella, it’s all still here! It’s all in the wash. When it comes out of the washer, I’ll put it in the dryer and then back in your crate – bed, blanket, stuffie toys and all.
Stella: But why me?
Me: Honey, of all the bulldogges, your crate was the only spot in this whole room that smelled like…well, dog.
Stella: That’s because I’m a dog!
Me: So are they!
Stella: The smell wasn’t bothering me and your nose isn’t nearly as good as mine. Why were you opposed to me smelling bulldoggy? Which I am. Bulldog me!
Me: You will have all your stuff back before long. A couple of hours at the most.
Stella: Show me. I want to visit my stuff. I want all the stuffies and my bed to know that they are still loved and I am here for them.
Me: Hard to do when they are swirling around in the washer.
Stella: Swirling?
Me: No, never mind. They are swimming and having a good time.
Stella: Well, all right. I can’t deny them the pleasure of swimming. But the next time I go out to pee, I am taking my crate with me.
Me: Nope.
Stella: Well, I am taking my stuffies and my bedding with me.
Me: Nope.
Stella: Well, just the stuffies.
Me: Nope.
Stella: Okay then. But I want you to put an alarm on my crate.
Me: Nope.
Stella: Why ever not?
Me: To guard what? The stink?
Stella: We have already discussed that issue, Lady Human. We will just have to agree to disagree on the definition of ‘stink’.
Me: Nope. My definition wins.
Stella: Humans are so picky.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 