I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Let me be blunt. Lady Human has a problem. She collects things. All kinds of things. Things that bulldogs take no interest in.
Stella: If you were collecting stuff like chew toys and treats, I would not even mention it.
Me: I figured that.
Stella: But you collect things like…well, the worst thing is paper.
Me: I don’t collect paper. I use paper. I make notes. I write stuff. I have notebooks.
Stella: Full of paper. Face it, Lady Human. You are surrounded by paper. You cover your lap with paper. You hold paper in front of your face. I am surprised that you don’t wear paper.
Me: Actually, that is possible. Some people have made…
Stella: No, don’t even think about it.
Me: Why do you care what I collect?
Stella: The more you collect, the less room there is for us.
Me: I think we’ve got plenty of room here.
Stella: Wait. Are you a bulldog collector?
Me: Well, I have some stuffed toy bulldogs, so you might call that a collection of bulldogs except that they are toys and never were dogs, so…
Stella: I KNEW IT! You are going to keep filling the house with your collections until there is no room for real bulldogs. Or even humans, not that that is a problem.
Me: I am not going to fill the house up with collections of anything.
Stella: How do we know that?
Me: Because I have learned to exercise self-control.
Stella: Hmmmpphh! I know nothing about that. Not a bulldog problem!
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