I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. It has happened again. Lady Human is celebrating some bizarre human holiday. The more she celebrates, the less we see her.
Me: Oh, come on! I hardly ever go anywhere. Celebrations are few and far between.
Stella: You had one last night and came home past curfew.
Me: No bulldog curfews for humans, remember?
Stella: Then you had 2 outings today.
Me: One was church. One was lunch with family. I don’t see the problem. It was, after all, Mother’s Day.
Stella: A poor excuse for depriving a bulldog of constant attention.
Me: Humans have their needs, Stella.
Stella: Like what?
Me: Well, like talking to other humans about things other than…well, other than dogs.
Stella: You do not talk about dogs on these outings?
Me: No. Not always. I mean, I did at church this morning. A visitor had just gotten a 4-month-old English Bulldog and she was asking me lots of questions.
Stella: Let me get this straight…
Me: By all means, please do.
Stella: This human left her bulldog at home to go to church, which I still don’t understand, so she could ask questions about her bulldog. Is that what you do at church? And why is that allowed?
Me: We talk about lots of stuff at church. Of course, it’s allowed. Her dog is fine, and I gave her lots of resources to look up.
Stella: Very well. Church meetings about bulldogs are all right.
Me: That’s not what church is…Never mind.
Stella: It sounds to me like you humans are out of control again. It sounds to me like you need to show me your calendar, so I can scratch out holidays that are not necessary.
Stella: But I can…
Stella: It’s just so…
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