I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Wiggles is here to share what she witnessed out in the yard.
Me: Well, let me tell you what was going on…
Stella: Nope. Wiggles has the floor as the humans say even though it makes no sense because dogs always have the floor unless we want the couch or a big chair and then we have those, too…
Me: I was there. I saw the whole thing.
Stella: Boring. Humans talk all the time. Wiggles will give us the bulldog perspective. Go, Wiggles, go!
Wiggles: Go? Where? Go where?
Stella: No, I mean tell us what you saw.
Wiggles: Tree. Man. Flying man up in tree. Flying man with shiny sword up in tree. Me barking. And that’s about it.
Stella: Okay, that made just about no sense at all. Lady Human, would you care to translate?
Me: Sure, here is my boring translation: Tree – a man in our neighborhood had a tree in his yard that he needed to have trimmed. Man – actually, more than one man. The neighbor hired some men to trim the tree.
Stella: See! I warned everybody. Boring! Get to the interesting part!
Me: Flying man up in tree. Not a flying man. A climbing man.
Wiggles: With a shiny sword.
Me: With a shiny saw blade with which to cut branches.
Wiggles: No, I don’t think so. Definitely a flying man. Definitely a shiny sword. And me barking. Did you see me barking at him? Did you see how brave I was?
Me: Yes, I did see that.
Wiggles: I told him off. I told him he’d better not fly over onto our trees and he didn’t. Let all flying men with shiny swords stay away.
Stella: And yet the unarmed squirrels remain.
Wiggles: Of course. Squirrels don’t need swords to be terrifying.
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