Alert: The Trees Are Full of Humans! – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Wiggles is here to share what she witnessed out in the yard.

Me:        Well, let me tell you what was going on…

Stella:    Nope. Wiggles has the floor as the humans say even though it makes no sense because dogs always have the floor unless we want the couch or a big chair and then we have those, too…

Me:        I was there. I saw the whole thing.

Stella:    Boring. Humans talk all the time. Wiggles will give us the bulldog perspective. Go, Wiggles, go!

Wiggles:   Go? Where? Go where?


Stella:    No, I mean tell us what you saw.

Wiggles:   Tree. Man. Flying man up in tree. Flying man with shiny sword up in tree. Me barking. And that’s about it.

Stella:    Okay, that made just about no sense at all. Lady Human, would you care to translate?

Me:        Sure, here is my boring translation: Tree – a man in our neighborhood had a tree in his yard that he needed to have trimmed. Man – actually, more than one man. The neighbor hired some men to trim the tree.

Stella:    See! I warned everybody. Boring! Get to the interesting part!

Me:        Flying man up in tree. Not a flying man. A climbing man.

Wiggles:   With a shiny sword.

Me:        With a shiny saw blade with which to cut branches.

Wiggles:   No, I don’t think so. Definitely a flying man. Definitely a shiny sword. And me barking. Did you see me barking at him? Did you see how brave I was?

Me:        Yes, I did see that.

Wiggles:   I told him off. I told him he’d better not fly over onto our trees and he didn’t. Let all flying men with shiny swords stay away.

Stella:    And yet the unarmed squirrels remain.

Wiggles:   Of course. Squirrels don’t need swords to be terrifying.


Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Foot Bath Furor – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

As a human, I am constantly surprised by what sets the bulldogs off. The latest barking/whining frenzy started…

Stella:    When your feet disappeared, Lady Human! WHEN YOUR FEET DISAPPEARED!

Miss Sweetie:    Nooooo! Where did they go, Lady Human? Horrible!

Stella:    Settle down, Sweetie! I will make Lady Human tell us where her feet went!

Me:        This is a foot bath.

Stella:    It eats feet! Keep it far away from us! We have lots of feet!

Me:        Look! See! Here are my feet!

Miss Sweetie:    They are back! Wonderful! You are so talented, Lady Human.

Me:        It is a foot bath. I put my feet down in it like this…

Miss Sweetie:    Noooo! They’re gone again! Why?

Me:        And I take them out like this.

Miss Sweetie:    What a relief! They are back! Lady Human is my hero. She can do anything.

Me:        Not exactly.

Doodlebug:        Why are you letting that monster chew on your feet?

Me:        It is full of warm water and I soak my feet in it.

Tiger:     Ridiculous. Why would anyone volunteer to put their feet in a box of water?

Snoopey:  Tiger is always wrong. I have never agreed with her. Until now.

Me:        Look, y’all. It’s a matter of perspective. From where you are, I can understand that it looks like my feet disappear.

Wiggles:   Yeah, your legs look funny with a big box on the end of them. Your feet disappear, and then they come back, and then they disappear, and then they come back. You are the funniest human ever.

Stella:    Wiggles, it’s not funny! It’s scary. And the box of water is making a growling noise. I don’t trust it.

Me:        Come over here, Stella, and look down into the foot bath. You can see my feet.

Stella:    No way, Lady Human! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again. Why are you trying to fool a poor ole bulldog?

Me:        Wait. When did I fool you once?

Stella:    Not important.

Me:        Perspective. What things look like from where you sit may not be the way they really are.

Stella:    Good, because from where I sit, that box of water on your feet looks weird and scary.



Copyright 2017 H.J Hill All Rights Reserved.