I am Stella. Yes, I am Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, but I am also their watchdog. I am here to report that humans are food hogs.
Me: I beg your pardon.
Stella: As indeed you should.
Me: What food are we humans hogging?
Stella: All of it except the little dabs that you put in our bowls.
Me: Again, I beg your pardon…
Stella: Be patient. I am still considering it.
Me: You each receive the same amount, the recommended amount so you are neither too fat nor too lean. So there.
Stella: Why is it that humans eat all day long and well into the night when we only get fed once a day? You have breakfast AND lunch AND supper AND a whole string of treats AND special drinks in addition to water. Lady Human, I protest. We bulldogs are deprived.
Me: You don’t look deprived.
Stella: Are you calling us ‘fat’?
Me: No, I am calling you healthy and well-fed.
Stella: And how about you?
Me: I… maybe should cut back on a few things.
Stella: Cut back means only 6 meals a day and 3 treats?
Me: All right. Maybe more than a few. I don’t eat 6 meals a day.
Stella: You haven’t been keeping count. We can help. You can share your hoarded food with us. We will be happy to gobble it up to help you stay healthy the way you help us to stay healthy – by depriving us of 6 meals a day.
Me: I still think you’re wrong about the 6 meals a day.
Stella: I have 4 paws. Each paw has 4 toes. This paw plus these 2 toes makes 6. If you start eating more than 16 meals per day, I must start using my tail, my two ears, and my two bulldog upside down vampire fangs. Please don’t make me count higher than 21. I will run out of parts.
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.