As Stella the Olde English Bulldogge (self-styled “Queen Stella”) sees fit to pop onto this blog space to air her own opinions about the misbehavior of others, I am taking the same tack to point out some bulldog – and Siamese cat – disorderly conduct. While the incidents on this list may appear trite, taken together they show a trend, namely, that bulldogs – and one cat in particular – engage in disorderly conduct on a regular basis. Unlike Stella’s List of Offenders on her blog posts, the following incidents appear in no particular order of disorder or intensity.
- My sweet little burnt orange clay dish was minding its own business in the patio when someone with perfect aim pooped right in the middle of it. I almost threw it away rather than clean it. Even cleaned, I am always going to remember the perfect target one of the dogs made of it. (Still and all, it was a good shot. The dish was small and sitting at a difficult angle. But be that as it may, no disorderly points are deducted for accuracy. The future plants won’t mind, I hope.)
- Snoopey ran in from outside, saw Moon, our cat, whirled around, and rammed her big bulldoggy rear end into the shelf by my chair, tumbling my pencil holders, spilling them everywhere. And she didn’t even chase the cat. And she didn’t help me pick up the pens and pencils either which was no doubt just as well since dog slobber does not make them write more smoothly.
- Inexplicably, the dogs have chosen a spot two feet behind my chicken-watching chair in the backyard as their new favored potty spot. Yay! The pleasant odors of each season are smothered by a new fragrance. (No, not inexplicably. It is just one more way for them to say that they love me and want to be near me. I should be honored. Should be.)
- Moon the cat has been testing the boundaries of our Bulldoggy Nation by walking as slowly as possible past the sleeping dogs. That is innocent enough, you may think, but I know her better than that. Everything is set up so that she can move anywhere without passing by the dogs at all. What she is doing is a test to see just how long it will take them to wake up and realize that she is there, taunting them and their less than sharp noses. And when one of them does note her proximity, the whole place erupts into a spectacular, extremely annoying display of frantic barking. Annoying to whom? Well, not to Moon who has by then simply strolled away.
So if you enjoy voting (and who doesn’t, especially this year), please vote for your choice of the most Disorderly Conduct on the list and post it in the Comment section below.
“Let all things be done decently and in order.” 1 Corinthians 14:40 KJV
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