I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Humans stink. They say that dogs do. They say our paws smell like corn chips, whatever those are. Corn chips. Mmmmm, they sound delicious. But back to my point – humans stink. I had to pull back my nose from Lady Human’s hands because they smelled so awful.
Me: I saw that and I don’t know what your problem is.
Stella: Millions of scent receptors, remember.
Me: My hands don’t smell.
Stella: Millions of scent receptors cannot be wrong.
Me: What do I smell like?
Stella: Where do I begin? You smell like whatever you ate last, the last three dogs you petted, that soap you wash your dishes with, that soap you wash your clothes with, everything you walked through for the past few days, raccoons, skunks, chickens, squirrels – yuck, grass, dirt, poop…
Me: Okay, thank you. I get the picture. But I washed my hands and you still wrinkled up your nose.
Stella: I am a bulldog. My nose is always wrinkled.
Me: You pulled your head back and said, “Pffft”.
Stella: I have the right of free speech. The right to comment on what assaults my senses. Pffft was the best description I could think of.
Me: What does Pffft mean?
Stella: Think of the worst smelling thing ever, a scent that humans hate. It sneaks into your nose and suddenly, ATTACKS! What would you say? PFFFT, of course! The perfect word for bad smells. It blows the scent out of your mouth and nose and says, Stay away, you nasty smell! Go back to the place you came from! Which in this case was your stinky hands.
Me: Pffft. Okay. I’ll have to remember that. I’ll have to remember that every day.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.