I am here once again with Stella, QUEEN of the Olde English Bulldogges…
Stella: Thank you for remembering to mention my proper title.
Me: How could I forget? Training bulldogs to walk on a lead or leash has been a greater challenge than I had expected.
Stella: Wait! When you bring out the leash, I get all excited and it has been training? As in…yuck…obedience training?
Me: Uh, yeah. Not that obedience has had much to do with it. I do enjoy taking you places and walking with you, but, thus far, I consider my leash training efforts to have been a failure.
Stella: Let’s see. How would you put it? YEAH, DUH, WE’RE BULLDOGS!
Me: If I could do it safely, I would let all of you out with no leashes. But someplaces, like those state parks where we camped, won’t allow that at all, and some places, like public sidewalks, aren’t safe for you.
Cars rush by. Strange dogs are running around.
Stella: Strange dogs? What is strange about them? Just how strange are they? Do they have eight legs? Do they fly?
Me: (sigh) Strange as in unfamiliar to you. Regular dogs you have not met and that haven’t met you.
Stella: Well, all right. If you say so. You would tell me if there were such unusual dogs, wouldn’t you?
Me: If I learn of dogs that fly or dogs that run on eight legs…
Stella: Spider Dogs.
Me: Spider Dogs. Yes, I will warn you in advance. In fact, I might just stay home all the time with you.
Stella: You could still brave it to go buy more treats when we run low.
Me: Thanks, Stella, I would risk encountering monster dogs to go pick up your treats.
Stella: I know. And that is one of the reasons why I love you, Lady Human.
Me: Back to leash training. When you bulldogs “walk” on a leash, you don’t walk with me. You pull me or you veer off in a perpendicular direction, left or right.
Stella: I don’t know where this “perpendicular” is, but you are right. We pretty much go whichever way we want. As for pulling, doesn’t that help you speed up your walking?
Me: I have to speed up to walk with you. Any of you. But that’s not my goal as much as keeping myself upright and not kissing the pavement.
Stella: Pavement kissing is not your favorite thing?
Me: I don’t do it voluntarily.
Stella: I do pavement sniffing all the time and I rather like it.
Me: Two totally different activities by two totally different creatures. Can we please work on walking in the same direction with you walking beside me and not pulling me from the front or from the side?
Stella: We can work on it. Not making any promises. I can’t deny my nature.
Me: But you can curb it.
Stella: Curbs. Yes. I totally understand curbs.
“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3 KJV)
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.