I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Shhh! Stop barking! Whisper!
Tiger: But there’s something wrong with Lady Human’s head.
Wiggles: I think she is just being human. Humans are weird.
Miss Sweetie: LADY HUMAN! YOUR HEAD IS WEIRD!
Stella: Sweetie! Quiet down! Maybe it will go back to normal.
Miss Sweetie: No, I have to say something! Maybe we can bark it back to normal.
Doodlebug: I think part of her head is missing, the part that used to have long strings hanging from it.
Tiger: Those strings are what the humans call ‘hair’, though we know that hair doesn’t look like that. It looks like what we wear all over.
Wiggles: I think something is sitting on her head. I know! One of those birds built a nest there!
Stella: Hush! Humans are particular about how they look. She’d be horrified to know a bird built a nest on her head. I don’t want to hurt Lady Human’s feelings. She doesn’t seem to know how bizarre she looks.
Me: Okay, what is all the barking about? And why all the sidelong looks? Is something wrong?
Stella: I hate to be the one to tell you, but something is terribly wrong with your head. There! I said it!
Me: You mean this towel?
Miss Sweetie: What happened to the rest of your head? There! I said it! You heard me say it!
Me: Nothing’s wrong with my head. I just washed my hair and I put a towel around it to catch the drips. I guess I don’t walk through the house like this often enough for you to remember. Look! I’ll take it off.
Stella: NO! OH, THE HORROR! Wait! Your hair is all stringy and wet. Your head is still there.
Me: As I have been trying to tell you…
Stella: Okay then. Never mind. Everybody go back to real life. Lady Human is fine. Nothing to see here. I don’t know why you all got so upset. Silly bulldogs.
Me: How about you, Stella? Are you all right?
Stella: I should have known, Lady Human, that you would never go walking around with a weird head. That’s not the way you are. You always make sure that your head is on straight.
Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.