I am Stella, Illustrious Queen of the Olde English Bulldogs – not the Olde French Bulldogs (even though I love their little bodies and cute smooshy faces), not the Olde Russian Bulldogs (I think that they do not exist, so how could I be their queen?), or even the Olde American Bulldogs (as there are no “old” style American anythings. Americans are all “new style”, so there!)
Hello, humans and dogs. And cats, if any are reading this (which I doubt).
Allow me to introduce my subject of the day. ME! Me, me, me, wonderful me! Me all the time, all day and all night! Me, me, me, special bulldog me!
Why am I so special? Permit me to explain.
Me: I know you will whether you are permitted to or not.
Stella: Never mind Lady Human, dear readers. She is envious of my specialness.
Me: As if that’s a real thing.
Stella: I am special because, unlike the humans (and some dogs), I do not pay attention to the human news. What do I do instead? NAP! Try it out. It is wonderful. If I don’t feel like napping through the human news, I snack. That is why I always save a little bit of my food for later, unlike the other bulldogs who seem to think that woofing it all down in a few minutes is the way to go. If I don’t like what I am hearing on the human news, I can drown it out with crunching. I recommend it, humans. Crunching good food drowns out a lot of other noise.
Do you know why else I am special?
Me: I await with bated breath.
Stella: Bated breath? Is that like bulldog breath after Doodlebug has eaten something that he shouldn’t have? Because if it is that, ewww! Not interested!
Me: No, it means I can’t wait to hear what else you have to say about your specialness.
Stella: Well, in that case, let me tell you. I am special because Lady Human lets me come into her room and she helps me get up on her bed and she doesn’t mind if I start flipping around and get really excited and grin a lot and even drool (a little – I am not a big time drooler) and I breathe heavily and lick her and step on her. She doesn’t mind if I think her room stinks of weird smells and I want to leave suddenly. She does not take it personally. And so, there it is. I am special.
Me: Yes, you are.
Stella: You think so, too!
Me: Yes, and some day, if you are ready for a good cry, I will tell you all the reasons why, I believe, God Most High brought you to me. Special me.
Stella: I would like to hear that, Lady Human. But meanwhile, it’s not special you. It’s Special Me.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.