Hello! I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I have written a new story. Well, I have not written it. I leave that for my transcriptionist because I cannot spell. Or type. Or scratch with a stick the way she does, leaving marks all over flat papers.
I have picked up many sticks during my life, but not one of them ever left strange marks on paper; so I figure that my transcriptionist finds her marking sticks in someone else’s yard, maybe when she leaves the house and comes back with bags full of mysterious things that she never shares with us.
Even if I found a stick that would make marks, it would not matter because I cannot read the written languages of the humans. Even with their spoken words, I can only make out what a small number of their noises mean. Which reminds me – I need to start working on that bulldog/human dictionary.
Have you ever seen inside a human’s house? (Well, of course, you have. You are humans. That slipped out of my mind for a moment.) There are shelves and tables stacked with marked paper that is held together inside delicious boards. They call them books and they love them.
Did I say ‘delicious’? Forget I mentioned that. I wouldn’t chew on the humans’ books. Okay, maybe I did once and that is how I know that they are delicious.
The humans must think that books are delicious, too, though I have never seen them put one in their mouths. They carry them around and hold them and open them and stare at them for the longest time and then they carelessly leave them on the floor or on a chair where it is oh so easy for me to reach them. The humans enjoy putting temptation in my path and then act all surprised when they see me carrying one of their treasures in my mouth.
I am a bulldog! My mouth is huge! I have to fill it with something!
Transcriptionist: Were you going to tell a story?
Oh, yes…but now I am tired. Talking about weird human behavior is exhausting. I will tell a story later. Right now, I am just going to take a tiny nap. Not long. Three, maybe four hours at most.
Sweet dreams, humans.
Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.