I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Today is my birthday. Today is also my sister Snoopey’s birthday, but that is not important. What is important is that it is getting late and I have yet to see any of the things on my birthday list.
Me: Well, I think y’all have had a pretty good day. For one thing, I did not dress you up in birthday hats.
Stella: Yes, we did appreciate that greatly.
Me: And there was special food that was designed not to make you throw up.
Stella: Also, greatly appreciated. Still, here is my wish list.
Me: An indoor full bathroom for each of you?
Stella: I will settle for an indoor bathroom just for me. The others can fend for themselves.
Me: A fully cooked, smoked brisket?
Stella: What’s the problem? You like brisket, don’t you?
Me: For every meal, every day?
Stella: That should be easy enough. We’re in Texas, aren’t we?
Me: This is a very long list. I am not going to read all of it, but what’s this at the bottom?
Stella: Self-explanatory, as the humans say.
Me: A machine gun?
Stella: Like in those old human Picture Box shows. Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat!
Me: Why do you need a machine gun?
Stella: The Squirrel War.
Me: Short answer – no. Long answer – no.
Stella: Not fair.
Me: If you were a squirrel, you would disagree.
Stella: If I were a squirrel…ewww, yuck! What a horrible idea! Are you trying to ruin my birthday?
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