I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I hereby issue a new rule. From now on and forevermore, no pack member shall visit any dog park. This rule also applies to Lady Human.
Me: Wait just a New York minute here…
Stella: Nope. No waiting. The rule goes into effect immediately. I don’t know how long a New York minute is, but I don’t think it is shorter than immediately.
Me: Your rules do not apply to me. I am a human.
Stella: All the more reason.
Me: Is this about that incident by the lake last week? That was not a dog park.
Stella: All parks with dogs in them are dog parks.
Me: Well, you may have a point there. You see, I don’t take y’all to dog parks because, honestly, I can’t always count on your behavior.
Stella: You have taken me to those wilderness places for what you mysteriously refer to as ‘camping’. Aren’t those parks?
Me: Yes, but there is a lot more space and all dogs are required to stay on short leashes.
Stella: Although I am reliable, I agree with your point about counting on the good behavior of the others. I mean, Tiger? In public? Really? Remember those tense vet visits?
Me: Oh, yes. Tiger is definitely not pleased in crowds of dogs. And Snoopey…
Stella: Rest in peace.
Me: …was a people dog, but other dogs?
Stella: Not so much. Therefore, I have taken care of the problem. No more dogs in parks…period. And no more Lady Human in parks. Thus, you avoid making yourself a target for random leg hikers. At least none of us do THAT to you.
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