The Stupid Award – Conversations with Stella

Stella:   In my authority as Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, I hereby institute the Stupid Awards. Tah-dah! As the humans say.

Me:        Just wondering. Are the awards stupid or are the recipients stupid?

Stella:   Silence! The Queen is speaking!

Me:        Yeah, that kind of command doesn’t work on me. Human, remember?

Stella:   I am never allowed to forget. (Sigh)

Me:        I apologize, Stella. I’ll play along. Are these Stupid Awards like your List of Offenders?

Stella:   Oh, no. Offenders don’t get prizes. The Stupids will.

Me:        I can’t wait to see what they are.

Stella:   You won’t have to wait. You will be providing them.

Me:        Well…that depends…

Stella:   Each award winner will be credited with one treat of their choice, which will then be given to me.

Me:        So this is really all about you getting more treats.

Stella:   No, it is about recognizing stupidity where it lives.

Me:        There is no shortage of stupidity in the world.

Stella:   I will be happy to hand out awards for all of it. I haven’t decided what the short name for the awards should be. I am leaning toward calling them Stupies.

Me:        Who is your award winner?

Stella:   The first Stupie goes to Tiger for jumping up on your leg and digging her nail into your skin. You were wearing those pants that are missing the knee parts and she made you bleed your own blood. That was stupid.

Me:        She was not stupid. She was just excited. I think it surprised her as much as it did me.

Stella:   Drawing blood is stupid. There! I said it! I am the Queen. My decision stands. That will be one treat for me, please.

Me:        Shouldn’t you share the treat with Tiger since she won the award?

Stella:   What? Award someone for being stupid. How stupid do you think I am?

Me:        Oh, Stella, I don’t think you are stupid at all. Here’s your treat.

Stella:   Mmmmm. Sweet potato chip. Maybe I should hand out more stupid awards.

Me:        Let’s not overdo it. You don’t want to spoil your supper. By the way, what happens if you win the Stupid Award?

Stella:   Not that I ever would, but double treats for me! I win again! Yea, me!


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