Giant Ants – I Told You So! – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Illustrious Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and very ticked off at Lady Human. She told me that there are no such things as giant insects, but this very minute she is watching giant ants on the Picture Box. The human army is fighting them which is what the army is supposed to do. It is about time.

Me:        Stella, this is an old movie called Them. It’s older than I am.

Stella:    And still the Giant Ant problem persists.

Me:        No, there never was a Giant Ant problem.

Stella:    Denial.

Me:        This is a fiction movie. There were not and are not giant ants.

Stella:    If there are not and never were Giant Insects, why do humans keep making movies about them?

Me:        Humans enjoy scary ideas so long as they aren’t things that can really happen.

Stella:    Humans are stupid.

Me:        Sometimes. Agreed.

Stella:    Those army men in the movie are using flame throwing sticks to kill the Giant Ants. You have flame throwing sticks so we are safe.

Me:        I do not have flamethrowers. Not even one.

Stella:    What about those sticks you use to light your big, fat smelly candles?

Me:        We talked about that. Those are automatic matches. They are like cigarette lighters. You pull a button, they strike a spark, and a liquid fuel ignites, giving you a flame on the end of a metal tube. That’s all.

Stella:    So, we are not safe from Giant Ants.

Me:        There are no giant ants.

Stella:    How far away is the army? How fast can they get here? They have real flame throwing sticks, right? The movie is not all made up, right?

Me:        We don’t need the army. There are no giant ants. Well, not like the ones on the movie.

Stella:    And now, the truth.

Me:        The largest so-called ant I have ever seen was about an inch long. It was what we call a Cow Killer.

Stella:    A Giant Ant that kills those big sweet cows? NOOO!

Me:        They don’t kill cows and they aren’t ants, though they look like them. They are wasps that wear thick red hair. They are also called Red Velvet Ants. Their bite hurts so much that people started saying it was bad enough to kill a cow. So, they earned that nickname.

Stella:    Where, Lady Human, did you see this monster fake ant? Was it around here?

Me:        Not too far. It was at a Boy Scout camp some little ways southwest of here.

Stella:    NOOO! That’s why the movie said the ants were in Texas. You heard it. TEXAS. That’s here!

Me:        Stop worrying. The movie is a made-up story, Stella.

Stella:    That’s what they want you to think. Where do you think they got the idea for that made-up story? You have the army’s phone number, right?




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