Bulldoggy

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The world is full of things, moving, ugly, smelly things.

Me:   And beautiful, wonderful, bright, unusual, colorful, sweet things.

Stella:   Maybe, but none of those things are in our yard tonight. Wait.

Me:   Okay…Okay…Stella?

Stella:   Shhh!

Me:   Are you pointing, Stella? Like a pointer dog.

Stella:   Shhh! Smell the air!

Me:   I am. What is so special?

Stella:   Can’t you smell it?

Me:   No. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Stella:   It’s coming from over there.

Me:   You look just like a pointer dog, except you aren’t as tall and you aren’t as skinny and you aren’t lifting your front leg.

Stella:   The weird smell is in that corner.

Me:   Fill me in.

Stella:   Go over there and see what it is.

Me:   Me? Why me? It’s dark. I don’t hear anything. I don’t see anything. You go over.

Stella:   No. I’ve done my job. I pointed it out.

Me:   How about we just go back inside?

Stella:   After I went to all the trouble of pointing?

Me:   Okay. I’ll go back inside. Stay as long as you like.

Stella:   NO! Run! Inside now! Pointing is for the birds.

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Every night, Lady Human and I share a snack before bed. Sometimes she gives me a cracker. Sometimes she gives me little round crunchy things that have no name that I can pronounce. But the best thing of all is when she gives me CHEESE!!!

Me:   Shhh!! Not so loud!!

Stella:   Why?

Me:   Because you are the only one with whom I share cheese.

Stella:   Is that because you are stingy or because I am special.

Me:   How could it be because I am stingy? I am sharing very expensive cheese with you. I don’t even like sharing it with myself. And they don’t always have it at the store. I have to wait for it to come in.

Stella:   So, you are stingy.

Me:   Hey, who’s getting cheese?

Stella:   Me?

Me:   Right. Don’t tell the others.

Stella:   What if they smell it on my breath?

Me:   Leave ‘em guessing where you got it.

Stella:   Don’t be surprised if they start tearing up the yard looking for my source.

Me:   How would that be different from the way they act in the yard now?

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Cold.

Me:   Yes, but not the coldest it has ever been.

Stella:   No, but still cold. The sky is crying cold tears. Why can’t it wait until summer when it’s tears will be warmer.

Me:   Because this is winter. Sorry. We can’t forget winter. It’s cold a lot and cloudy a lot, but it serves its purpose.

Tiger:   Its purpose is to shower us with cold water when we go out to potty?

Me:   That’s not its purpose. That is one of its side effects.

Wiggles:   I used to enjoy going out to potty. Now it is shocking and gross.

Me:   All I can say is, hurry out and hurry back in.

Miss Sweetie:   I don’t like it. There have been no sunny days when I can sunbathe. The sky should keep its water to itself.

Me:   Hey, I have gone out with you, right?

Miss Sweetie:   Yes, but how does that help me?

Me:   The second you come in, isn’t there a special treat waiting for you?

Miss Sweetie:   Yes. But why can’t the days and nights be dry and I still get the treat?

Doodlebug:   What about me?

Me:   What about you? You get a treat each time, too.

Doodlebug:   Not good enough. I want extra snacks.

Me:   No, Doodle, no! I know what kind of snacks you are looking for and I am glad that you don’t search for them on wet, cold days. That’s one benefit of cold showers.

Doodlebug:   I don’t worry about it, Lady Human. I’ll be back on the hunt when the rain stops.

Me:   Not if I can clean out your stash first.

Doodlebug:   Catch me if you can.

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The Night of Human Craziness has ended. So says Lady Human and she should know because she is a human. I am still a little afraid to go outside tonight. It is in the dark that the humans act out the most.

Me:   Don’t worry. I won’t let you go out by yourself.

Stella:   You heard it last night, didn’t you? You heard the weird human voice.

Me:   I did.

Stella:   All I needed to do was go potty. I know it was late. Everyone else was asleep. And then I heard that noise in the darkness. It scared me. I ran back to the house.

Me:   And I was there and let you in. You were moving pretty fast.

Stella:   What was the human saying? Why was he shouting?

Me:   I won’t repeat what he was saying. He was shouting a word that we consider to be very vulgar. He was shouting at the top of his voice.

Stella:   Will he be back tonight?

Me:   No, I don’t think so.

Stella:   Why would he do that? It broke the quiet of the night.

Me:   Well, his shouting and the cannon boom of the fireworks and some people heard gunfire. I guess I missed it. I had fallen asleep.

Stella:   You slept through all that.

Me:   You did, too. All except the shouting man.

Stella:   I hope he sleeps tonight.

Me:   I do, too. He had to be tired.

Stella:   So why do humans complain about dogs barking? At least we don’t use ugly words.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I have said it before. I say it again. Humans are crazy.

Me:   Oh, humans are crazy, and bulldogs are not?

Stella:   Exactly. I understand that humans celebrate what you call ‘holy days’. Those are important. Those make sense.

Me:   Thank you for attributing some sense to us.

Stella:   You are welcome. What I do not understand are the celebrations that are going on now. Loud, obnoxious, and without reason.

Me:   Oh, like New Year’s Eve?

Stella:   Yes, that one. There are things exploding. People are acting crazy. And loud.

Me:   It’s the celebration of the start of a new year on our calendar. New beginnings. Getting rid of old things, old bad habits, starting new ones.

Stella:   Why would anyone start new bad habits?

Me:   I mean starting new good habits.

Stella:   And that means that humans must act in a crazy manner during this time of change.

Me:   We don’t have to, but we often do.

Stella:   I have just one thing to say about that.

Me:   What?

Stella:   Stop it. The end.

Me:   Those are two things.

Stella:   Oh, and one more. Happy New Calendar Year. Whatever that means. And don’t blow up anything.

Me:   Okay, I won’t. Is that all?

Stella:   Yes. If you are celebrating anything, make sure we get special treats. We don’t want to be left out.

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Treats are great, especially the ones Lady Human is giving us now. Not that I didn’t like the other ones and if she brings them again, I will certainly participate. I am not snooty.

Me:   Snooty?

Stella:   Dogs that turn down treats are snooty.

Me:   Okay. You mean that you should eat what is placed before you.

Stella:   Yes. No. Maybe.

Me:   What’s your problem today?

Stella:   I don’t like the way some of us enjoy our treats.

Me:    By some of us, to whom are you referring specifically?

Stella:   Shhh! This is just between you and me. It’s Tiger. She’s so snappy when you offer her a treat.

Me:   Yeah, she does get a little too excited. I’ve been correcting her on that.

Stella:   If you hold the treat above her and drop it, she is a great catcher.

Me:   True.

Stella:   But when you offer it to her face, she gets so excited, half the time she knocks it out of your hand and doesn’t even know where it went.

Me:   Yeah, and if she doesn’t knock it out of my hand, she snaps at my fingers. She doesn’t mean to, but she is so greedy for it.

Stella:   Yes, greedy. I understand greedy. It is a desire that takes over your mind and heart. You can’t think of anything else but what will satisfy the greed. It is like a burning fire in your bones…

Me:   All that for a treat?

Stella:   Yes, Lady Human, don’t you feel that way when there is a treat in front of you? Doesn’t it take over your life until you have it?

Me:   It used to. Not anymore. I worked at not letting it.

Stella:   That is so strange. Why don’t you have a greedy mouth like ours?

Me:   I am not a bulldog.

Stella:   That says it all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I love sunbaths. Even on winter days. Even on summer days. I come in feeling all warm and invigorated. Some of us are better sunbathers than others. For example, Tiger is a dedicated, expert sunbather. She has a perfect spot she goes to and patiently absorbs the fire rays of the glowing ball of burning gas that hangs in the sky.

Me:   That really does make it sound dangerous.

Stella:   But you said that’s what it is.

Me:   Yeah, and it is, but it’s not really hanging in the sky like a picture hangs on a wall.

Stella:   Looks like it to me. Anyway, the important thing is that it feels good on my skin. Wiggles and Miss Sweetie are also good sunbathers. They change locations every time. They like variety. The only one of us who is not adept at sunbathing is Doodlebug.

Me:   That’s because he gets too hot too fast.

Stella:   This must be a problem for all doodlebugs because when I see doodlebugs, they are under some pot you have turned over or they are in a shady corner of the yard.

Me:   That’s true, but our Doodlebug is not a doodlebug as much as he is a bulldog.

Stella:   He acts more like a doodlebug. I guess that’s why he doesn’t sunbathe as much as the rest of us. He sits in the shade and curls up in a ball.

Me:   No, not really. He can’t do that.

Stella:   A big, ole doodlebug ball. Don’t bother arguing with me, Lady Human. My mind is made up.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. We have enjoyed a quiet day with special treats but not so many that any of us got sick, but enough to make us not complain.

Me:   I would not have paid attention to any complaining. It’s a holiday!

Stella:   Since when can we not complain on a holiday?

Me:   What part of ‘holy day’ do you not understand?

Stella:   The whole thing. For example, I heard you singing about a silent night. And last night was pretty quiet, except for me and the others barking and snoring and snorting and all that. But do you hear what I hear?

Me:   I don’t know. I never know what you hear.

Stella:   I hear a lot of noise. There is a steady roar coming from over there.

Me:   That’s traffic on the highway. It was quiet last night because more places were closed. Some started opening again about an hour ago.

Stella:   And there are loud boom noises.

Me:   I am sorry to have to tell you, Stella, that there are humans who are not…

Stella:   Smart, rational, careful, sane…

Me:   Yes.

Stella:   Too late. I already figured that out.

Me:   I think the booms are from some people driving around firing off shotguns and fireworks. Sadly, they believe that is a good way to celebrate.

Stella:   Quick! Call the people who drive the rolling boxes with crazy lights.

Me:   If I’m not mistaken, by the sound of sirens, they are already on their way. Let’s go inside until everything settles down.

Stella:   Oh, all right. So much for a silent night.  At least, these booms only happen once.

Me:   Well, just give it a week. We’ll see.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The humans have started their feasting. It smells delicious, but I noticed that our dinner was the same as usual.

Me:   Hey, I passed along extra treats.

Stella:   Boring.

Me:   Well, that’s rude. Always be grateful for what is set in front of you.

Miss Sweetie:   I liked those flat, crunchy things that were set in front of me.

Me:   You see, Stella. Sweetie liked what I shared from my own plate.

Doodlebug:   What are those called? They were good.

Me:   Crackers.

Doodlebug:   Why can’t I find those things outside?

Me:   Maybe because you are spending too much time searching for something else that you shouldn’t have.

Tiger:   How about some more of that chicken stuff?

Me:   Chicken treats. I’ll pass more of those out later. Let’s pace ourselves.

Tiger:   Ourselves? Are you sneaking our treats?

Me:  No. I am sneaking my own treats. My point is that we need to exercise self-control.

Tiger:   That doesn’t sound fun at all.

Me:   You’ll feel better for it later. I guarantee.

Wiggles:   May I have what you’re having?

Me:   No. I’m sorry.

Stella:   What are those? Mmmm!

Me:   Potato latkes. I haven’t made them for years.

Wiggles:   A wonderful scent is coming from them. Please, may I have one?

Me:   Girl, they have onions and garlic in them. I can’t share these with you.

Stella:   Did you do that on purpose so you wouldn’t have to share?

Me:   No, I was following an old recipe. Look, everyone can have one more chicken treat and then that will be it for tonight, okay?

Stella:   Are you telling us or asking us?

Me:   Telling you.

Stella:   Typical.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I feel like howling and I don’t know why.

Me:   Do you hear a shrill sound? Because I don’t.

Stella:   No. No weird sounds except all the weird human sounds like those tin cans flying overhead and a general roar of noise from those things you call highways and freeways and roads and cars and trucks and…

Me:   Yeah, the world is a pretty noisy place.

Stella:   I just feel like howling.

Me:   Is it because of the moon?

Stella:   Moon. No. Why would a silly cat have something to do with it?

Me:   No, not Moon Cat. The moon in the sky. It is so bright tonight and so full.

Stella:   Oh, yeah. I see it. It’s like those lights you turn on in your hands, only I think no human turned that on. I think the Great Creator turned that light on.

Me:   That’s very perceptive of you. No human had anything to do with that light.

Stella:   I don’t feel like howling because of the moon. That’s a strange idea humans came up with. But it is awfully bright. Can you turn it off?

Me:   No. Like I said, humans have nothing to do with that light. It will fade as the earth turns and the moon goes around. It will be bright again tomorrow, if there are no clouds.

Stella:   Well, I think it should shut itself off. It is keeping me awake.

Me:   You won’t see it once we’re inside.

Stella:   Why didn’t you say so?

Me:   I didn’t think that I had to.

Stella:   Lady Human, I’m a dog. I don’t understand all the things a human does. Let’s go inside. The moon is too bright. If I stay out here, I will need some of your special dark eyeglasses.

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Night is a scary time. The sun is asleep. The moon may be bright, but it doesn’t stick around long. And there are creatures of the night. They only come out at night. When everything is dark, they prowl and lurk about. I heard one last night. It was outside our window, the room that Lady Human calls her own, but we all know whose room it really is, right?

Me:   Yeah, we all know that it really is my room.

Stella:   Then you must have heard it, too. It was still dark. It was in a nearby tree.

Me:   I did hear it.

Stella:   It was JERKY MCSQUIRRELYFACE!

Me:   Nope.

Stella:   But it was from a tree. He loves trees. And it was rude. Just like him. Waking folks up in the middle of the night.

Me:   Dark, but still closer to dawn than to midnight.

Stella:   It was Jerky.

Me:   Nope. Not a squirrel. Squirrels are diurnal animals. That means that they move around during the daylight. During the dark, they hunker down like we do.

Stella:   Then what was it?

Me:   A hoot owl.

Stella:   A hoo what?

Me:   A hoot owl. I’m not sure what variety, but there are some in the vicinity. I saw one fly across the yard once. Totally silent. The edges of their wings are soft and ruffled so they make no noise. Very cool. I figure the one outside was calling its mate.

Stella:   There are more than one.

Me:   Yeah, and I am glad. They keep the vermin population down.

Stella:   Can we get at least get it to schedule its dating calls for the daylight?

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I like much of what the humans call Christmas.

It has special food, some of which the humans feel compelled to share with us because of what they call “Christmas spirit”. I like Christmas spirit. Because of it, my humans are more generous at this time of year and I get to eat some of their turkey and roast beef.

Christmas tastes good and it feels good. We get new soft toys and blankets. This happens because other humans who have the places where toys and blankets live put them “on sale” and that makes our humans happy and even more generous.

And I like the way Christmas smells. Except for the strong smells that Lady Human calls ‘essential oils”. She can keep those to herself. They are not Christmas. But there are other special smells like bread baking, cookies baking, meat baking, something called peppermint, something called pine tree which I think I have smelled before outside, and… what is that? Oh, no! That’s not Christmas!

Me:   What’s the problem? Oh, no! That’s not Christmas!

Stella:   I know what it is.

Me:   Me, too! Please make it stop!

Stella:  I can’t. It will have to stop on its own. There. I think it has stopped.

Me:   Can you warn me before something like that happens again?

Stella:   Only if I have some control over it. The air has cleared. Now, let us return to Christmas.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. We are the best! Bulldogs rule!

Me:   Where is that coming from?

Stella:   From me! Bulldogs are the best dogs ever. Whoop!

Me:   Well, I have been around other breeds of dogs and they all have their good points. I don’t think anyone can say that bulldogs are better than all other breeds.

Stella:   WRONG!

Me:   Stella, poodles are great. Corgis are great! Shetland sheepdogs are great!

Stella:   WRONG! How can humans have any opinion on this? What do humans know about dogs?

Me:   A lot, I think, since we have lived with dogs for so long.

Stella:   WRONG! Bulldogs! Bulldogs! Bulldogs!

Me:   You sound like a football team.

Stella:   Football? Is that something dogs play?

Me:   Nope, except by accident maybe. But there is a lot of shouting and cheering. I think you would like it. And there is food.

Stella:   What are we waiting for? Football! Football! Football!

Me:   What happened to the Bulldogs Rule cheer?

Stella:   Forget bulldogs. Bulldogs never bring food.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, there are silver birds flying overhead. They are beautiful and shiny and have lights. They are not like other birds. They keep coming and coming and coming and…

Me:   They are not birds. They are airplanes. You’ve seen them before.

Stella:   Not like this. They just keep coming and coming and coming and…

Me:   When this happens over here, it is because the wind patterns are favorable for them to land at Love Field.

Stella:   They land in a field of love?

Me:   Actually, it’s an airport that was named after a man whose name was Love. He had a freeway named after him, too.

Stella:   Do you have a freeway, whatever that is, named after you?

Me:   Nope, and that is probably just as well.

Stella:   Why are all these birds silver? None of the other birds around here are shiny silver.

Me:   Again, girl, they are airplanes, not birds. People ride in them.

Stella:   Say that again.

Me:   Humans ride in those airplanes. They are made of metal and wires and other stuff and humans drive them.

Stella:   Okay. Say that again slowly.

Me:   You know how we get into my car…sorry, rolling box…and we go places down roads and freeways and I drive so we end up where we want to be.

Stella:   Yeah…are you going to fly us through the air one day? Because I don’t want to do that.

Me:   No, cars don’t fly. At least not yet. Don’t worry about that. But airplanes are designed through lift and thrust and speed to take off into the air and fly.

Stella:   This is scaring me, Lady Human. You mean that there are humans in that silver bird. Did the bird eat them?

Me:   No, those are silver machines made by humans and all the humans aboard them are alive and well.

Stella:   And they fly over our heads all the time, especially today so they can land in the field of love.

Me:   If you want to think of it that way, fine.

Stella:   What if they decide not to land in the field of love? What if they decide to land here?

Me:   It doesn’t work well that way. They need to land at an airport. They need lots of room.

Stella:   They look so small.

Me:   That’s because they are far away, farther away than you might think.

Stella:   If you say so.

Me:   I do.

Stella:   Look out! Here comes an airplane!

Me:   Stella, calm down. That’s a bird.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sometimes I find that embarrassing.

Me:   Why?

Stella:   Lady Human, really? You know why? You live here.

Me:   Well, yeah, I see your point, but what specifically is bringing this on?

Stella:   You saw Doodlebug outside a while ago, didn’t you?

Me:   Yeah. I mean what specifically?

Stella:   His usual bad snacking habit.

Me:   Oh, no!

Stella:   Now he’ll have bad breath all night.

Me:   Oh, Doodle.

Stella:   Nasty is as nasty does which means Doodlebug is nasty.

Me:   He had gotten better.

Stella:  You can’t put temptation in his path.

Me:   No, you all can’t put temptation in his path. And I can’t leave temptation in his path. Between the wind and the rain and the cold today, I just didn’t take temptation away fast enough.

Stella:   Don’t blame yourself, Lady Human. Nasty is as nasty does. And I’ll point out that I never engage in such practices. I am – what was your word? Oh, yes! Fastidious.

Me:   True. I’ll never smell ugly breath on you. So why can’t Doodlebug follow in your footsteps?

Stella:   If we didn’t have those with bad habits, how would we ever truly appreciate those with good habits?

Me:   Well, because their breath wouldn’t smell gross for one thing.

Stella:   Go right ahead. Smell my fastidious breath. Who do you appreciate now?

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am not fat.

Me:   Thank you for that information, Stella.

Stella:   I know you are going to talk about it, so I thought I would clear that up first.

Me:   How did you know I was going to talk about it?

Stella:   The way you and Tall Man have been looking down on Wiggles’ back the past couple of days.

Me:   Was it that obvious?

Stella:   Yes. And you telling him about how she is so wide that she blocks the door when you go to open it.

Me:  Well, that’s not just her size. It’s her predisposition to ram her way through in front of everybody before I can get the door open.

Stella:   Which she would be able to go through on a narrow opening if she weren’t so fat.

Me:   Mmmm…maybe.

Wiggles:   Are you gossiping about me?

Me:   No…

Stella:   Yes.

Wiggles:   What are you saying about me?

Me:   I am remembering what the vet said last spring about how we need to control your weight because you have been packing it on the past few years. I don’t want to be embarrassed the next time you see her simply because I haven’t been able to help you lose a little.

Wiggles:   How do you lose weight?

Me:   More exercise…

Wiggles:   I get plenty of exercise. I run out to potty. Then I potty. Then I jump up on the sunshine table. Then I jump down. Then I run back inside and take a nap.

Me:   That doesn’t really qualify as weight loss exercise.

Wiggles:   What other thing can I do to lose weight, so you won’t be embarrassed in front of the vet lady?

Me:   Eat a little less.

Wiggles:   WHAT AN UGLY THING TO SAY, LADY HUMAN! HOW DARE YOU? I eat precisely what you give me!

Me:   And anything you find on the floor. And whatever you can snoot up in the kitchen.

Wiggles:   Hey, if it’s on the floor, I figure you dropped it for me. I don’t see you picking it up and eating it. Like you always say, WASTE NOT!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I have a pretty name. It does not make any sense, but it is a good, solid name.

Me:   It means “star”. My younger daughter named you when you came to us.

Stella:   What was my name before? I don’t remember.

Me:   Chata.

Stella:   What does that mean?

Me:   Well…it’s Spanish and it means…

Stella:   What?

Me:   Flat as in flat nose.

Stella:   Hmmmpphh. So that’s what they thought of me. I like your daughter’s name for me better.

Me:   You are a star.

Tiger:   What about me?

Me:   We called you Tiger when you came to us because you were fighting for your life. You are a fighter. And you have that brindle stripe design. So… Tiger.

Wiggles:   And me?

Me:   When you came, the first thing we noticed was that you never stop wiggling.

Wiggles:   I guess that’s all right.

Miss Sweetie:   And me? What about my name?

Me:   It just came to me that you were the sweetest thing. So…

Miss Sweetie:   Awwww. I think you are Miss Sweetie, too, except you are really Lady Human, and not as sweet as I am.

Me:   Okay, fine.

Doodlebug:   Why did you name me after a bug?

Me:   Doodlebugs are not really bugs, though some people call them sow bugs or pill bugs. They are not insects. They are more closely related to lobsters than to bugs. And Tall Man named you that because of the narrow white mark in the middle of your forehead. He said you looked to him like a doodlebug because of that. If you look right at the head of a lot of doodlebugs, they have a little white mark in the middle of their heads. So…

Doodlebug:   So, I got a silly name.

Me:   Yeah, but Tall Man has always loved doodlebugs since he was a little boy. So…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. There was someone here today, a human we have not seen before.

Me:   You have seen her, but not for a while.

Tiger:   I was scared when she came into the room.

Wiggles:   At first, I thought it was you, Lady Human, but different somehow.

Miss Sweetie:   I love her!

Doodlebug:   Did she bring us special food?

Me:   No. That’s not why she was here.

Stella:   Who is she?  It was so exciting!  I jumped up and down!

Me:   I saw you hopping. She is my daughter.

Stella:   Your puppy?

Me:   Stella, I have explained this. Humans have children. Dogs have puppies. She is one of my daughters all grown up. She is not a puppy.

Stella:   When I saw her, she reminded me of you so much that I thought she was you. Until I scented that she was not.

Me:   Yes, we are different.

Tiger:   And the same. Like you and Tall Man.

Me:   Yes. In the same way. You are perceptive.

Doodlebug:   Why did she not bring special food?

Me:   That’s not why she was here. She was doing a job that humans call ‘business’ and a huge ice and snow storm forced her to leave where she was before it became to difficult to travel so she headed in our direction.

Stella:   Ice? Snow? I forgot. What are those?

Me:   Something you don’t want to drive a rolling box through if you can avoid it.

Stella:   But the wet ground did not stop her.

Me:   Nope. The ground is wet, but it won’t freeze here. Not this weekend anyway.

Miss Sweetie:   Will she come back? I want to look at her again.

Me:   She will when she can.

Miss Sweetie:   Good. I will keep watching that door for her.

Me:   I would plan on doing other things between now and then.

Miss Sweetie:   Okay. So long as I can keep watching that door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. And that’s all I have to say.

Me:   Maybe you could communicate with Wiggles better than I can.

Wiggles:  Let me go outside. I need to pee.

Me:   I’m trying to let you out, Wiggles. You are jamming the door. Just step back so I can get it open.

Wiggles:   Please let me out.

Me:   I’m trying, Wiggles. Step back. Stella, explain it to her. She is blocking the door with her big, wide body.

Stella:   Wiggles, your big, wide body is blocking the door. How’s that?

Me:   She’s still pressing against the edge of the door.

Wiggles:   Pee. Pee. Pee. Pee.

Me:   Okay. Listen to me. Move back away from the door.

Wiggles:   But I want to go forward.

Me:   To do that, you have to take a step or two backward, so I can open the door.

Wiggles:  Go back to go forward? What is that? Human sense? Because it makes no sense to me.

Me:   We are dealing with physical laws here. Take my word for it. Please.

Wiggles:   Oh, all right. There.

Me:   See. Now you may go forward.

Wiggles:   Yay! If you had just opened the door earlier, I could have already been done. Physical laws indeed! More human nonsense.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am a connoisseur. Of cheese. Of dog food. Of human food.

Me:   I wouldn’t go that far.

Stella:   I know what I like and what tastes good and, more importantly, what smells good. I am very disturbed by what Doodlebug puts in his mouth.

Doodlebug:   I eat what I want.

Stella:   Which appears to be EVERYTHING!

Doodlebug:   Not rocks. I draw the line at rocks. Hard. Dry. No real flavor. Yuck!

Stella:   You’ve been known to eat things stinkier than rocks.

Doodlebug:   Mmmmm. Poop!

Me:   At least we can stop some of that.

Doodlebug:   It is hard to come by really good poop.

Me:   My turn to say ‘yuck’.

Stella:   But whatever it was you were snacking on today, not even I could identify.

Doodlebug:   It smelled interesting.

Stella:   You don’t know where it had been. What if it was squirrel food that they threw away? How embarrassing!

Me:   All I saw were some wet sticks and a lot of slobber. But I agree with Stella. If you don’t know where something came from, you probably shouldn’t eat it.

Doodlebug:   WAH! THEN I WILL HAVE NOTHING TO EAT!

Me:   Of course, you will. You will have your regular food.

Doodlebug:   But I don’t know where that ‘s been!

Stella:   Oh, silly head! Of course, you do! It comes from that big yellow bag Lady Human drags in. Problem solved. It sure doesn’t come from squirrels.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.