I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Can I use your special chair, Lady Human?
Me: The proper question is ‘May I use your special chair?’
Stella: No, because I don’t have a special chair, but you do.
Me: What are you talking about?
Stella: That special chair in the tiny room where you always close the door like it’s a secret.
Me: The toilet? I close the door to gain a little privacy, but that never seems to work. And no, you may not use it and, actually, you can’t use it.
Stella: How come?
Me: It would require a great deal of balance that you do not possess. Sorry. I have heard of cats that have been trained for it, but never a bulldog. You’ll be happier just continuing to go outside.
Stella: Can you make a special chair for me?
Me: That is not in my current plans.
Stella: You could set it outside. It could be my throne. Every queen needs a throne. Why are you laughing?
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