I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and by “Olde” I don’t mean “old” in years. Would we call ourselves ‘old’? I think not. How rude! But that subject is for another time because today I want to talk. Not as the humans talk (which is all the time). I want to talk about how much the humans talk. They even carry little boxes around with them that make noise and all of a sudden, they talk into those boxes – EVEN WHEN NO OTHER HUMAN IS IN THE HOUSE! How creepy is that!
For example, Lady Human has been talking and talking all week into one of those boxes.
Lady Human: “I know. I know. Right? Someone should say something…”
Yes, Lady Human, someone should say something. Something like ‘stop talking’.
From what I have heard, humans can talk to lots of different people on the little boxes, but mostly one at a time. Sometimes they start laughing and I have no idea what the funny part is because I can only hear one side!
Lady Human: “It was so funny that I had to turn away and cover my mouth. I shouldn’t have been laughing.”
Why not laugh, Lady Human? Is there too much laughter in the world? Are humans suddenly drowning in laughter? Is laughter suddenly a worldwide epidemic? No, I thought not. Please stop being embarrassed when you enjoy what the Great Creator has given you – a sense of humor. Not everyone has one. Snoopey, for example. Tiger, for example. The rest of the pack is all right.
Lady Human: “I am probably going to the grocery store today. I don’t know. Maybe I should wait until tomorrow when I can go get the dog food, too.”
Really? You are talking about going to the store? Make up your mind, will you? What an earth-shaking decision! Though if we are running low on dog food, why would you wait until tomorrow? That’s dangerous around a bunch of hungry bulldogs.
And on and on and on it goes. Talk, talk, talk, and not a drop of interesting bulldog gossip. In fact, nothing about bulldogs. Blah, blah, blah! BORING!
So, this is what I propose. Put the little talking box down. Oh, and make it stop ringing and blipping and squeaking and squawking and popping. Then, talk to us bulldogs. We could use the practice with our verbal skills and, even if we don’t answer back, you will make us feel important.
And bulldog importance is what it is all about, isn’t it? Wait! Don’t answer that! No more talking!
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Right Reserved.